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I don't know if I'm suicidal, but that is all in my mind lately, everyday. Like when I go to high buildings, what if I jump, what If I drink this,Like what should I use to kill myself, My funeral, My letter, everything. But that is all in my head. I never mention this to anybody because knowing my folks they would say that I'm demented. I don't actually do any of this, it's just all what I think about lately.
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I used to, and occasionally still do, think the same way as you do and I have only opened up a person who I trust very much. Constant thoughts of what would the world if I am gone or I have never existed. Tired of all the pain and suffering. Mentally torturing myself more than physically. But then the only thing pushing me forward is the people who have cared me so much and shaped the person I am right now and the thought of them grieving if I am gone scares me. Sometimes you need to find something beautiful, even if itโs small, in life which makes your time worthwhile.
ReplyIf not suicidal, then a call of the void? I get it sometimes. What would happen if I jumped off this balcony? If I jumped off this bridge? If I assaulted this particular person? What if I flipped off an old lady? What if I just step into traffic? It scares me sometimes. I am so thankful for self control.
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