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I can't forgive myself for my passed mistakes. Any mistake. Is not that I don't want you, or didn't try to, but my brain keeps showing me images of humiliation (when I tried to unblock memories of those mistakes for therapy), like saying: "look, this was YOUR fault, it didn't matter if those people mistreated you, it was YOU the one who couldn't behave as a professional", and I can't forgive myself for that kind of error. That example applies for my Hemotherapy practices and the last job (I leaved both because caused me serious anxiety disorder since the co-workers psychology abused). But this happened with any event from the past where I could "avoid" to ruin my life by making huge mistakes by choosing the very wrong option, in spite of having the moral values as a tool! I have high moral values, but I failed in following them when I was younger, and now, since I'm recovering from social phobia (just an advanced form of anxiety disorder), I had to negotiate with those values, I even robbed my mom's money a couple of times because I was desperate (we are talking about 8 dollars) ...she is quite character we can say, not an easy mom to deal with. Anyways, it's a very, VERY long story, but... Why others can do damage or hurt people and still think they are good people, and me, I can't even forgive me those mistakes not even by chance? Why Am I so strict or intransigent with myself?
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You have to understand that you are not a god. You, are Hooman.
ReplyI will try... :)
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