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I haven't been on here in a while, but that was mainly because school was out for summer and I wasn't seeing my ex every day. Well, schools back and I have a class with my ex and see him every morning.
He's a semi-nice guy, but there are a few problems I have with him.
Basically, we stopped dating because I never loved him and that fact tore me apart from the inside out. He then spent the next two months reminding me that he loved me and would be waiting to get back together. I got sick of him and the reminders, so I told him to screw himself and leave me alone.
For the sake of a mutual friend of ours, lets call her S, I started hanging out with my ex at school and played buddy buddy again. Everything was fine for a week or so, but now the issues are back.
He's starting to act like how he did right after I broke up with him. He is offering me his jacket, trying to be my emotional support (which I don't need from him) and just being an overbearign clingy guy. He also makes all these disgusting sexual jokes. They can't even count as innuendos they're so bad. I am demisexual and get very uncomfortable when people make really oversexualized jokes. It's gotten to the point that I don't want to be alone around him because I am so scared and uneasy about him.
I can't tell him to hit the road though because that would tear up the group we have with S and I can't do that to her again. I also am too anxious to tell him to go away.
Overall, he makes me fear for my mental stability and safety, won't leave me alone, makes my gender dysphoria spike, calls me by a name that makes me more uneasy, tells me jokes in person and in text that make me really disgusted adn ill, and he insults my friends and family. But he makes me laugh once in a blue moon (like this morning) and reminds me why I want him around, and our friendship make the ex and S happy.
My therapist tells me I should tell him what I don't like about how he acts and basically say he changes his act around me or I leave, but I can't do it. S knows about the joke issue I have and is doing damage control, but it's still not enough.
Please don't go after S, she's nice and she would be respect any choice I make, but I don't want to hurt her.
I need advice though. I keep getting blinded by small moments and try to ignore the big issues. Help.
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Sounds like your therapist is giving you wise advice, and like you are trying to make S happy at the expense of honesty and your well-being... which, if she truly is a good friend, she wouldn't be even happy that you are doing.
Keep working with your therapist on how to speak up for yourself, set and maintain boundaries, and value yourself -- these are essential skills regardless of whether this particular ex is in your life or not, and absence of these skills puts you at risk of the same sorts of dynamics happening with other people in the future.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
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