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My siblings and I were abused, correction I was abused. Well, we both were. It's just that I, decided to runaway. I left my younger siblings behind. Im feeling alot of guilt right now. I can't even tell anyone either. I tried alot, I told the school and got CPS involved. But its turns out they were completely useless. Everyday now, I ask myself whether or not im a bad person. I mean I left them, left them to suffer without me. I protected them with what i could but now? They dont even get that.. Im only 15, people say your still a child, relax let the adults figure it out. But what if the adults are the ones acting like children?? I had to grow up real quick or I would of died long ago. I mean.. have you ever lived in a room so disgusting that it was covered in cat poop, urine and even human waste? Have you ever been so hungry that it feels someone is stabbing you repeatedly? Or have you ever lived at multiple trashy hotels? Or what about being beat until you can barely breathe or until you're basically dead? Have you ever lived in a car or in the woods because you had no where else to go? Or the worst of all, being told by your abuser that they love you and then the next second your on the floor bleeding and crying, crying because you believed that she loved you and had the slightest hope that she had changed and not because of the physical pain you felt. All because you wish you had the family everyone else had? I have so many regrets. I regret leaving them. My siblings. I recently heard they were missing and they have no idea where they are. I'm also missing. But unlike them, I know I'm safe where I am. I heard they were last seen Halloween in a old hotel, they havent been to school and no one is aware of where they are. I'm scared. I'm sorry. I feel terrible for not being with them, to protect them, to help them, to make sure they are still alive. I cant tell the police they are missing, and from what I'm being told. My other family members have no intention on telling them either. I want to go and help them, find them. But I'm already too far. I cant ever go back there. I'm a whole new person now, I have a new identity and everything. But I miss them, I hope they are alive. I never even got to say goodbye properly. I'll probably never seen them again. I wont see my sister go to kindergarten or the oldest graduate from elementary. I'll never get to hug them again. I'm sorry, I really am. As I write I cant even hold the tearsback anymore. It's been 2 years, i hope that you guys are safe. I hope you'll be found. I hope that you will be able to be happy and live the lives you deserve. I just want to know, I'll always be your big brother. I didn't abandon you. I'm truly sorry. I love you.
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hey buddy, you made a bid for escape and ran from that hell. it was survival instinct. it was normal. yes , you could have said goodbye or take them with you. but you didn't and its in the past. nothing can be done now. let it go. you got a chance to live your life. do that. i am happy for you man. make the best out of this chance. and your siblings? always have them in your prayers. i hope they are fine. if they are, they will understand your position one day that you didn't abandon them. all the best buddy.
ReplyI'm sorry that you had to endure these things. No child, person, anyone- deserves to be put in these types of situations. I'm 15 too and I've probably only seen about half compared to what you have. You, my friend, are so, so strong! Literally. You're going to do good things in this world someday:) Your siblings, as long as you have hope, will be okay. The first thing you have to remember that it's not your fault. It's not. I'm sure your siblings knew how much you love and care for them. If not now, one day the will. One day they will realize that their big brother took a punch to keep their innocence and help keep them safe. The love is definitely there. I hope that you are able to see your family again. I do! If you believe in God, and even if you don't, know that these things happen for a reason. Most times they're unexplainable, but know that it makes you strong. Keep going. It's okay to cry, it's okay to be sad. Let it all go. All the hurt, pain, and suffering.
You're one strong mother*ucker, dude. For real. I'll pray for you<3 I hope things start looking up!
ReplyYou are going to feel guilty because you love them that's normal. But I would tell the police, tell cops tell anyone that will listen. You're feeling guilty because you want to do something to help them. So do it but be smart about it and keep safe. You could call the school and ask their teachers to report to CPS. Tell them your story. I'm sorry you went through that and I'm glad your safe now.
ReplyHey friend, that brought me tears. your love for your siblings was honest. Thats why you still pray for them. That's why you still wish for them to be okay and to be found soon. all i can offer is prayers. Even though we are strangers, trust me my heart is praying for you. My soul wants you to be united with your siblings. Don't give up on hope friend. Fight!! you have to fight back!! You still have a life ahead. Make yourself someone who can give yourself a better life and your siblings too...praying for you in tears...love you my friend...
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