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You are confusing me.
I had a great time with you. I wasn't sure if I'd like you, but somewhere between the affectionate personality and laughs I started to.
I dont even know you! But after a very long long time, my heart started to race. It has only ever raced for one other person. He wasnt a good guy. He was the only guy I felt that electric fire for.
Sitting in your presence, I could see myself falling for you. You're far away, not the demographic I wanted. But I was willing to try, because my heart finally felt alive again?
We met up, things got cozy and I thought we left on good terms?
I know you're a busy person. But I think you're just not into me? Why do I feel so insecure?
But I'm not. There are guys chasing me and I reject them. I know what it feels to hold someones interest, and this is not it. Someone who makes active plans and constant communication. You dont do that.
Maybe this was just another hookup, the way you wanted it to be in the first place? I should have known.
But I will rise from this. You taught a little bit today. I came out of my shell a tad more today. I no longer shy away from physical intimacy. I no longer think of that other person. For the first time, with you, I forgot him.
And so I believe I healed. I know I am just a little more capable. I am not broken. I am beautiful, successful, powerful and I own my emotions. I own my sexuality. I will not be afraid. I will dance my heart out. I will dress up as much as I want. I will kiss whoever I want and not feel dark about it. I will let someone whisk me into their arms. I'm strong as fuck, and no one is gonna take it away from me. No one is gonna make me feel insecure, no one is gonna make me beg for their attention, no one is gonna make me feel confused to where we stand. I will leave you, before you leave me. I will stand up for myself and my feelings. I will hold them in conviction. You want me? Show me. You care about me? Communicate with me,
But I refuse, I fucking refuse, to go to who I used to be. You will not let me feel this way. I will NOT let you let me feel this way. I worked too hard, broke my heart too many times, rose from the fucking ashes of who I USED to be, to sit here and cater to your whims. You dont wanna text? Fine, dont. You're not the only whos a catch. I will not run after a man EVER again. I will never beg for his time, his attention again. I wil not buy fucking plane tickets, lie to my family to meet a man who wouldnt meet me halfway. I will not drive over to you in your SPARE time so we can hookup.
I am a fucking treasure. Dont you forget that, Y.
I won't either.
I'll leave the chasing to you now. A is out.
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I love this! Good. The confidence is great! I hope everything works out for you;)
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