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She wants to know what the plan is. I understand that but at the same time I don’t want to jump into anything right now. We broke up in the past multiple times, of course I still love her and enjoy spending time together but I think jumping back in would be reckless.
Maybe that does show that I don’t feel the same way about her as she does about me, but I don’t think that’s the case. I think we are different and feel differently about love, I can’t imagine getting into a relationship with someone else and I’m actually a little frustrated that she can’t be a bit less intense about the whole situation. It feels rushed.
Before now I felt as though there was a possibility we could get to know each other again and it would work out, but she’s not entirely been herself due to the fact that her mind has been preoccupied with worry and an understandable want to protect herself from hurt.
Regardless of all that, my not wanting to ask her to get back together at this time and her anxiety about time and wanting to know our future, might be the writing on the wall. I still believe that regardless of what we both think we want, things will end up in the best place. I can say that I am following my gut and that gives me comfort, and I trust that feelings outpace logic and even if decisions are made gut feeling and love are capable of steamrolling over anything in their way.
I’m not sure what else to write. Sitting on a train right now, drifting through life, quite literally.
Will I ever find my way?
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