What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). More resources.
I don't know if anyone will read this or really care about what I think. I'm usually a really trusting person and make friends easily, but because of that I have poor judgement. I assume I can tell those I feel close to me how I truly feel and who I really am. I hide behind this mask of smiles and laughter, but deep inside, I'm just an emotional wreck, always sad, screaming for help. People lost my trust and now I just bottle everything in because I have nobody to trust. I know doing this is bad but I see no other choice. Sometimes I really wanna cry but can't even force myself because my entire life ive been told that men don't cry so I always hide my pain, tears, and suffering. I try to keep in mind that there are others in the world that feel my pain or truly understand how I feel or even have it worse than me. Knowing this still doesn't help because I start thinking about how privileged I am and how I shouldn't be complaining because I could have had things way worse. I just want my pain to go away. I'm starting to lose interest in my sport but I don't think my depression is all to blame. I'm giving up on school because my grades are dropping and all the subjects are somehow getting harder even though I had once fully understood them. I'm even starting to lose my strength to hide my face from my pain. I find it harder and harder to smile or laugh. I've sought out help but to me it doesn't feel like they're actually helping. I want a way out but I think at the same time I feel like part of me deserves this pain. I deserve it because I've done something bad, something I can't go back on. I just want to die because I don't fear death but I can't seem to do it because I'm afraid of the pain I feel. I'm afraid that the ones around me will end themselves to even though most won't find out and I feel like some wouldn't care and would be relieved. I'm sorry for this rant, I'm sure many people have said the same and this is repetitive. If you read this, thank you. I hope that even though I'm not okay, you are.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
I Don't Have A Mom...
...And it was my choice. I know it's not my fault, I'm not blaming myself, so don't comment that. She beat me, raped me, gave me drugs and alcohol, brainwashed...
-
Alone in a world full of friends...
Ever since I moved from my home country to another when I was about ten, I’ve never felt the same, something in me switched. it was all new to me the language...
I completely understand this. I used to beat myself up about feeling bad, especially when there is someone out in the world going through something much worse. But, at the same time, your feelings ARE valid and you shouldn't feel guilty about having them. And must I say, FUCK gender stereotypes! Also, Don't kill yourself, I know people say this a lot (only bc it's true, even if you don't know that now) but you will get over this. I was depressed for 5 years. I had multiple attempts at suicide, but I could never go through with it for several reasons I won't get too much in to detail about. My point being, I don't feel like that anymore. And I'm glad I didn't do anything permanent bc now I am experiencing amazing things that I had no clue were coming my way. You're going to get over this. You will. Just keep pushing through!
ReplyThat's okay bro. Everyone of us can feel the pain you're also feeling. I completely understand you, I was feeling the same way too. I'm being used by my friends at school, and at home I hide my pain from my family. But nothing's gonna change if you're just gonna sit there and continue to feel that pain, it won't disappear if you won't let it disappear. Don't give up too, never ever give up because of someone, never give up because you can't trust anyone. Remember, you yourself is still there, trust yourself in order to keep away the pain. And choose to be happy, cause you deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy.
Reply