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I did it. I actually did it. I scratched at myself until someone came to the door. There was no blood but this is bad. I couldn’t stop myself at that moment. I kept imagining my arms dripping with blood or a knife going through my arm. The corner of my mouth tilted upward as I scratched my arm up until they swell. The argument they’re having out there only encourages me to mess myself up even more. It’s a strange thing to want to do. To make it hurt more than it already does. I know it’s bad for me but when I start doing it, I can’t stop. The scratch marks are burning but I still feel dead inside.
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Sometimes people try self harm in hopes it either eases the pain or to distract yourself or to even punish themselves. What you must be going through right now must really be hard on you. I hope that things get better enough to a point where you won't want to harm yourself. I hope that you will see your worth in your self and find the beauty in your scars and flaws. Hang in there whatever is bad right now cant last forever there will be a light for you at the end of your tunnel.
ReplyThat’s the funny thing about self harm, no one will ever understand it but you.
I would count the scars on my body, and in a twisted way it brought me peace.
You Are Beautiful.
All of you.
All the good, the bad, the ugly.
It makes you human
You are loved
Even in the darkest moments
You. Are. Loved.
You’re light might be dimmed now, but it is enough to light up a whole fuckin room.
It’s true, and I believe in you
ReplyHey, it’s okay, listen, the scratching is understandable and an improvement from knives and cuts. It’s good that you know that the scratching is bad for you, if you have or haven’t self-harmed with a blade of any sort, scratching is improvement from that. One inch of improvement is an inch of success. Perhaps you should keep some markers or pens (probably not sharpie) near your bed or on you, and when you feel like scratching try to go for the markers/pen first. Draw, write kind notes, doodle, whatever pleases you. For a ‘session’ of scratching, try to draw for a small chunk of it, then the next time a larger chunk, then soon instead of scratching you’ll just be drawing. It’s amazing that you shared this with us, and I thank you for that. Try better alternatives to scratching and find something that works for you, I believe in you sugar, you got this
Reply