What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
Some people feel that adoption is a good thing. What you guys need to realize is that does not apply for everyone. Speaking for myself, I was adopted at 2 years old. My mom gave birth to me at a infants hospital I believe. This happened in 1966 in Chicago. She gave birth to me and left me there. I became a foster child and only went to one home. I grew up knowing that my mother gave me up because I was constantly told. I was adopted at about 11 years old and was happy to say I actually had a mom. Watching the kids around me interact with their families made me long to have a life like that. But I didn't, someone was always trying to touch me, or take advantage of me in some way. I was constantly teased about being a foster child or being adopted. Being told all the time that your mother didn't want you. One day I came across the cabinet that had my birth certificate in it and saw my mother's name Jacqueline Brown, she had me in 21 and my father's name was nowhere to be seen. I mainly clean the house and took care of everybody, that's how it came across my birth certificate. I tried to memorize all the information, I even look things up in the phone book. But I never could find my mother. I had some really sad times, I used to cry all night trying to be quiet so no one would hear me. Dreaming that my mom, my biological mother would come get me. I never felt love ever, I think they cared about me but I knew they didn't love me from the actions that was taken against me. Living the life that I did growing up, it actually affected my adult life. I couldn't love right, I didn't know how, so I made many mistakes. I needed a mother that would guide me and help me and not tease and talk about me and put me down constantly. That's the life I had. All I did was try to be the perfect daughter for my mother and father. I did everything possible to be that perfect little girl and young lady. But nothing was ever good enough, I was never good enough. So, I am now 52 years old and have suffered and made it through breast cancer, been married three times, lived with someone, lied and cheated. I do feel that if I had the right kind of life and had more guidance, my life would not have been like this. I will say this much, I appear to be a level-headed woman who is strong, fearless, very loving and will give my last to anyone who's in need. I am not strong, I am fearful, I can never seem to finish what I start, I am not working at the moment, but I am a very hard worker when I was working, It seems that I have to do everything perfect. So I was never fired from any job, I was actually promoted at jobs I had. I am very sad, I am unhappy, and I am lonely even though I'm married right now. And this all has to do with being adopted and how I was treated being a foster child / adopted child. I want my mother, my biological mother. The mother that adopted me has passed on and so has my dad and I am alone. At 52, I should not be alone. I have no one. I have no one to talk to. No one to share my secrets with. No one to help me with things I'm going through, my struggles, my love, my faults, my thoughts, my feelings. I have tried to find my biological mother and the files are locked and I know she's out there. I was just thinking, I actually have biological family members as well and I don't know any of them. Why should anyone feel this alone and I have to put a smile on my face so no one knows that I feel this way. I am considered a class clown, I go around making everyone happy and that is because I never want anyone to feel the way I do. I try to talk to people, I try to help people, I try to do anything I can for anyone that's in need. I will give someone my last if it will help them. I'm not obsessed about money, I'm obsessed about being loved, cared for, and just knowing that hey I'm actually here and not feel invisible. I had an abortion no one knows and I don't think I will ever tell anyone but sometimes I think, I would have been better off having that done to me. So then I think, I must be here for a reason, I don't know what it is and I can't wait to find out what it is. I won't hurt myself but I will tell you this, when I was younger, I wanted to. It's very sad when you're around so many people and you have no one. I was thinking about writing a book about my life, but I'm too ashamed to talk about it.
I really like this app because you can actually freely talk and not be judged. Where is my family, where is my real family? Would I be accepted if they found me or if I found them? Would they love me? I love them and I don't even know them. This world is full of a lot of pain that is unnecessary and I don't understand it. You will never know who I am, but thank you for reading this. May God Bless you and I hope your life is rich with happiness and that you are deeply loved. And you never feel the pain that I feel.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
To My Birth Parent(s) - Pt. 1
Hello. Hi. How do I open this letter? I do not know anything about you. I do not even know if you are alive - I hope you are -. I do not know anything about...
-
I need advice
I live in a foster home. And my foster parents are/will adopt me if I allow them to. Normally I wouldn't even think twice, they are so nice and caring. They gav...
<3
ReplyYou are, a very strong person. Bless you too.
Reply