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Living in a hoarder house
9 months ago · · Need Advice, · Explicit
For as long as I can remember, my house has been disgusting. I didn't see it as bad back then, and to be honest, it wasn't too bad at that point. Sure, there were some clothes we needed to take to Goodwill and some old furniture in the garage that needed to go, but it wasn't horrible. We were able to have people over. And if we spent a fair portion of our time cleaning, we could even host a family event like Christmas.
I'm not sure when that changed, but it sure as hell did. My home is now almost unlivable. Mold at the top of the walls in the bathroom from the steam. Piles of unwashed dishes. Random papers covering the floor. Our dining room, we can't even use it because of the piles of old clothes and other random shit. Mice, bugs, all that shit. It seems like an impossible task for a 12 year old and her 14 year old sister. That with a 49 year old mother who is too depressed to do anything, and I can't help but feel bad for her. She sounds so ashamed, and so am I. She just wants us to be happy, but she can't even make herself happy.
I feel so fucking scared someone will see the inside of our house one day. I make excuses for why friends can't come over, and have actually never had friends over. I've never told a single soul. I'm sure my sister feels that same shame and sadness. One day, I'll end up with social media. How will I explain why I can't show them my room? Or just my house? I just don't know what to do.
If they do find out, what will they think of me and my family? It's so humiliating. I've been told by friends that they see me living in a super clean, tidy house; I can't live up to that. It makes me wanna cry when people say that stuff, because I almost feel like I'm lying to their faces. How can I help my family and myself get better? I feel so hopeless.