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I went through some really tough times in my life. Some have affected me way after it was done but I can't let it go. We all say "past is in the past". Right ? So why is it that somethings still trigger the pain that I already went through. I can't get over that pain no matter how hard I try. I relapse every now then to the pain and I can't explain why. 3 years back I had lost almost everything I had in life and it needed a lot of time to make a new life with something. I couldn't eat,sleep and even at times couldn't breathe. Every time relapse into my depression, it takes my breath away for a long time . My mind goes completely dark and it messes me up for a long time. It's been okay for sometime now but I fear every now and then that it won't be okay soon. If you have read till here, thank you so much for hearing me out. It really means a lot.
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Sometimes, something might have happened in the past, but your mind might not be ready to let it go. Your body may heal, but your mind may take a while. Sometimes it is best to see a therapist if you have the money to do so, however if you do not, there are sites that you can go to, similar to this one to get therapy for cheap, if not free. Much like this site lol. Also, this is random, but watch some happy animal videos, those can almost always cheer you up. I hope life gets better for you <3
ReplyI too have this issue, something I done over 20years ago to my own brother still hurts whenever I remember what I done.
Out of all my brothers, he was the best in my eyes. I loved being around him, he would take me places, he would teach me new things.
To me nothing could change that.
Nothing would take that bond away, until he met his girlfriend and slowly drifted away.
I was so upset, from memory I think I cried when I realised he had moved out of the house.
But when I saw him again, we would take off from where we left, I was ok with this.
So here is where it goes downhill real quick,
The next girl he meets and dates,
I fall in love with.
I was blinded, I didn’t want to think about my family and how they would all feel when they finally found out the truth.
To me, I was ready to hide this secret for as long as possible. I would never get busted.
Slowly people would realise the oddness of our secret love and ask questions that I always had an answer to.
Up until my mother witnessed it with her eyes, she was so hurt, she couldn’t accept what she saw.
Me, I didn’t care, I loved this girl, she loved me BUT she was still dating my brother up until this point.
I remember the look in my brothers eyes,
He wasn’t shocked about the situation, it was more like, how could my younger brother do this to me? He even said it all himself.
At the time, I still didn’t care.
We went on to date for about 5 years and no one could stop it.
Until I was on a trip with some friends, when a friends girlfriend shows up unannounced and causes a scene.
I was on the outside looking in at my own relationship, I then realised how stupid my relationship actually was.
So I called it off.
Many years have past and at this point I’m married with a bunch of lovely boys.
And at times it hits me, not the thought of her and how we loved each other so much,
Not about my mother and the embarrassment I brought her,
But the bond that I broke, I hurt my brother so much that it still hurts me to this day, I will never forgive myself for that.
That’s why with my little ones, I try my best to make them understand that their brothers are a part of them, we need to share, play and love each other, because we are brothers and that’s how it should be.
I think I may have drifted away from my point here, so apologies for that.
For me I feel like, the hurt I’ve caused to my brother and how it still affects me to this day, 20 years later, that it’s never going to leave me.
But it doesn’t stop me from trying to be a good person, a caring person, a trustworthy guy, because all along this is who I am, and I try my best to be the best I can be to the people around me.
So that I never repeat that mistake again in my life time, and it actually feels good, it’s a nice feeling knowing the people that meet me say good things about me, it takes away those thoughts, for the time being.
I really do hope you begin to feel better, happier with yourself and your situation.
It takes a lot of courage to write about the things you feel knowing that somewhere someone out there is reading, even without knowing who you actually are.
I wish you all the best in life, believe in your self and love the people around you and let them love you.
Reply