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Just need to clear my head.
So in a 3 year relationship now.
Boyfriends addiction to a drug and alcohol changed him harshly after the 1st year.
It was a vicious cycle of relapsing.
He was an emotional abusive man on his drug. And filled with rage.
He was kicked out of my families home for an outburst while drunk and on his drug.
I still stayed by him and we lived apart looking for a new apartment.
Total turn of events. A month or less into that I found a baby in any life Dead by SIDS in my bed. CPR didnt work. It was so unexpected and the cause of death cause no closure. I was traumatized. I told my boyfriend and my family I was a mess I didkt even know what I was supposed to do and needed space from everyone. I told my boyfriend I was still his girl and would remain loyal but I needed space to grieve and could not be there for his withdrawals that round. Less than a month later I got radio silence one weekend from him. When I finally hear back he is weird and guilty. Dumps me. But says all this weird stuff about I'm too good and hes so awful. I find out on my own he slept with someone else. I was so broken. We tried to make things work still but I have been only getting worse in my mental state and it has been 4 months since he cheated. It kills me that he did that, especially when he knew I was grieving a death I witnessed. And I'm bombarded with the idea of them having sex, even though I'm trying so hard to brush away that thought. I'm in so much pain about the betrayal and the loss of what my life ever was before this passing and cheating. I've been having panic attacks and harsh mental breakdowns. And today I saw on his phone hes been taking pictures and videos of me when I'm in extreme distress and crying or having a conversation with a friend about it on the phone. He has videos of both, he even had a video of me crying telling him to please go away. I never knew he was doing this. Theres both videos and pictures of me crying or losing my mind in my bathroom, closet, or one of the 2 bedrooms. I feel so betrayed on another level now. He broke me as a person now he is documenting it behind my back like I am a freakshow. And for what purpose? Is he showing people? Is it for his own gratification to call me crazy. I am just so broken by this year. Just needed to lay it out as he does not want me to discuss this with my friends or family.
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Don't let him tell you who you can or cannot talk to. Take his phone and deplete the pic.
Leave him because that sounds like extreme abuse.
Tell your family or even the police.
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