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I will no longer be silent.
The pain and suffering of my loved ones has grown too loud to ignore, too grand and it’s throbbing and swelling and filling my home. You thrive off of it, the tears of the beaten. You take and take and take but I have nothing left to give. I have already bled from my wrists and wished I didn't exist. I have risen and fallen, risen and fallen, never able to stay on my feet for too long without your words slicing me down. I am tired. I am exhausted. I am worn down and ragged, used up and tossed aside. My heart is empty. I feel no emotions. It is hard to decipher when I am happy or sad or somewhere in between; they all blend together. Do I smile still? Do my lips turn? Is it only a neutral expression others see when perhaps I’m at my happiest that day?
I do not know what’s wrong with me, only that it is a lot and I can’t stop it, can’t fight it. It hurts and it hurts and sometimes it’s too much and I can’t move. My chest gets cold, my stomach cramps, my throat closes and the breaths become too painful to bear. How can one person cause so much damage? How can one person take a bubbly child and twist them into someone unrecognizable by people who used to know them? An innocent child with big dreams and laughs and excitement, mangled and degraded to a hollow shell of what could of been, what may have been, were it not the hopelessness she’d witnessed. Being stuck in an endless loop of trauma and sorrow and hatred and it’s never ending.
I am tired. I am exhausted.
I am silent.
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