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it's silly really and I probably shouldn't have but I used to hate him. he was obnoxious and loud and always did stupid things for attention and I hated that. you couldn't have a normal conversation with him he'd always manage some sort of outburst or insult and it was so frustrating that I jus hated him and avoided him when I could. that was high school. nowadays, he's part of the armed forces and has matured significantly. it's been like 3 years? I think. we hadn't talked since senior year of high school, we hung out once with a mutual friend and he was sort of tolerable? so I decided I wouldn't waste my time hating him lol but then he got stationed somewhere and I didn't see him or talk to him anymore and kinda jus moved on from that.
but..
lately, we've been talking a lot. our mutual friend was talking to both of us in a group chat and we kinda split off and have been talking everyday since then. he's really sweet now and it's almost bizarre how much I enjoy talking to him. everything he said used to make me so angry and now? he's got actual things to say and I want to hear them. my intuition is tingling and I think he's got a big ol crush on me lol but I dunno if I like him too. I don't dislike him, he's so kind and considerate. but he lives on the other side of the world, he's got a very demanding job, I am *incredibly* clingy, and I don't even know if I'm attracted to him. I know he's tall, which I love. but that can't be the only thing lol I love that he's around to talk to me even though we live in drastically different time zones, I like that he tells me whats going on in his life, it makes me really happy when he tells me things about himself that I don't already know. but what if I'm just caught up because he's nice to me? a lot of my friends spend a lot of time teasing me and people that don't like me tend to ridicule me so I *know* that I am super drawn to people that don't make me feel insecure. but that doesn't necessarily mean that I have feelings for him. it might even just be a selfish thing because I want to talk to someone that doesn't make me feel bad.. maybe when his tour ends and he comes back home we can hang out and see what the deal is, unless of course he gets shipped off to war since his unit has that to face.. I dunno. it's just wild because I used to hate him and now I care about what happens to him
life really be like that, huh?
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He has matured and realised that his previous attitude was getting him nowhere. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, so the fact that he's away means you fancy him like mad, But wait and see what happens when you are together.
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