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Self-deprecation is one thing, but outright accusing others of being insincere when given a compliment, when there are those who genuinely attempt to be kind, is not cool, and not at all cute. Meanwhile, when someone jokes, you tend to take offense. When people are honest, you tend to take offense. When offered even a semblance of criticism, "Everyone hates me," when I personally doubt that most pay you that much mind. And, from what I've seen, even something as simple as talking too often for your liking is turned into an issue. Granted, indignation is warranted, at times, but in your case, this happens quite often. Whether you realize this about you or not--or, perhaps this is actually deliberate--it has become literally exhausting attempting to please you, let alone befriend you. It's as though any and all efforts are ultimately meaningless.
In near any situation in which you're concerned, you have a strong tendency to assert yourself as the victim, even during instances in which you've victimized others--or, worse yet, when neither victim nor victimizer are actively present. I personally find this character flaw to be incredibly problematic and, frankly, a tad infuriating. Make no mistake, you are at very little fault in the event of unjustified attacks against you; people should know that there are lines that shouldn't be crossed, and those boundaries should be respected. Of course, not everyone displays that respect, and some know that they don't. At the same time, however, you have a tendency to imply that everyone else is at fault in any given instance, when that is very seldom the case.
Even if you don't enjoy acknowledging them, you also have flaws. Everyone, at some point in their lives, have said and done things that they shouldn't have, but that's just how people are; granted, this doesn't excuse them, but that is simply the reality. With that in mind, YOU have also done and said things that you shouldn't have on numerous occasions, and very rarely have I ever witnessed or heard an apology of any kind; rather, you prefer to focus more on the ways in which you believe yourself justified. And, for someone who seems so eager to gain everyone else's approval, even from strangers, you certainly aren't doing yourself any favors by constantly making others responsible for your own choices, nor running from said choices when forced into resulting confrontation.
Please don't misunderstand, I'm by no means implicating that you're the only one with certain qualities to improve upon--ALL of mankind is flawed, but you're included in that majority. We all must take responsibility. It's your choice how much of it you're willing to shoulder, but some definitely belongs to you.
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This is solely based on your opinion, which isn't proven facts, but your own perception on the matter.
It really determines whether you're closely involved in the situation, or the outsider looking in and making these judgments. I'm sure you're aware of what line you stand on within the situation, and hopefully acknowledge if you should, or shouldn't have a say really.
It would be taken seriously, depending on what important role you really play within it. If they're just an outsider looking in, where you have no solid and direct involvement on the situation, would your words have any true impact or value?
I could be entirely wrong, but how do we know this isn't an attempt to cover something up yourself? Based on pointing out the problem towards someone else, without any constructive solution and evidence behind it. Unless, you're speaking to yourself within this letter, then it wouldn't apply. It's one thing to be asked for your input and opinion too.
What real purpose are you trying to get at from this and what is the expected outcome?
I haven't seen any solution and anything constructive from your criticism on this situation. You point out the problem, but where is the constructive solution to improve the issue? Anyways, it doesn't mean that you're entirely right and wrong in what you say,as there's probably more to it.
For the most part, I do agree upon reflecting within ourselves and making adjustments to improve as individuals. People aren't perfect in this world, but we should ALL still take responsibility for the things we actually do and say, regardless.
Majority of people with empathy and a conscious do, but there is still a handful some, who unfortunately can't. This is due to specific mental "condition/s". I have witnessed and experienced people being extremely hypocritical, by attacking others viciously, including myself for minor wrong doings. These were obviously petty but still hurtful actions, which I still took responsibility for and always apologized on my behalf.
I've also been on the receiving end of being falsely accused of wrong doings, when I actually didn't do anything at all and felt pushed to apologize for. I took it upon myself that I shouldn't have to apologize, for the things I'm being falsely accused of and knowing very well that I didn't do any wrong. I learnt that in such cases like this, it's best to remain silent, then say anything at all and engage in speaking up for yourself. The aftermath of me apologizing for something I didn't actually do, just showed to others that i did actually did do wrong and it made it worst, if not questionable.
I had people falsely accuse me and gaslight me into making me look like something I'm not at all. You can imagine the frustration, anger and unfairness I felt from that. It's annoying when people just assume whatever they want about a person, throw labels around and they clearly don't have any clue about the matter. All for the sake of keeping the peace, I apologized and try to move forward from the situation. There's many occasions where I had people attacking me, when I'm trying to move on from a situation and even had people keep bringing up matters, that were petty from 10 years go, 5 years ago etc...
It's ridiculous, but clear on what these types of people are trying to aim at, when they're doing that towards me and anyone else for that matter. I have no problem to admit doing wrong, when I do wrong and changing it. Whenever, I express my feelings for being hurt, it shouldn't be disregarded, unvalued and looked upon as playing the victim either. Not being able to express my hurt feelings isn't going to improve the situation either. I don't think I ever played the victim here and drag it on when an event has passed. Telling someone when to get over something isn't right, we have to consider the length of damage, or abuse that's been done and the severity of it. We're all left with scars from being hurt, that is something we should be responsible for and addressed. We also shouldn't be held accountable for the rest of our lives, for a petty wrong doing that was 3 years ago. Anyone who's fully aware of themselves, usually know when they do something wrong or not. We live in a world where it's always, he said, she said and nothing really resolves the problem etc...
I myself, for the most part definitely know every wrong doing, bad choice and mistakes I ever made within my life. It's not something you can forget, it's part of life, by learning and growing from it. Yes, sometimes, we have slip ups and do things unintentionally hurtful, which we later realize it could of been avoided. Although, I have to question these people who try to justify themselves, by crossing the line and harshly attacking those for their petty wrong doings. What makes these so called "righteous" people so entitled to "punish" another for their wrong doings? I can understand if you do something legally wrong, as breaking the law, but that's usually handed over to law enforcement and judges in the court of law. There's always consequences for everything, no matter if they're meant for good and bad. It would be best to take caution and be aware of the advice we tend to give to others. In the end, you're not the one who has to live with the consequences and deal with it.
_-Jas
ReplySome of what I've said is based upon personal opinion, that's true--but, ultimately, the primary way people deal with and view others is through perception--however, what is fact is what was explicitly stated and outright admitted by the person themselves (hence the "Everyone hates me"), or the lack thereof (hence the "very rarely have I ever witnessed or heard an apology").
I've been the outsider looking in, someone directly involved, and someone even dragged into certain situations, caught in the middle; but, in answer to one of your questions, the primary purpose of this post is to vent (though I will admit I unintentionally posted this before I'd finished writing, I just hadn't bothered to redo everything). This is, after all, a place to anonymously state what's swimming in one's mind, is it not? And, considering this is an unsent letter, I have very little intention of allowing them to actually see this message unless deemed necessary, in which case I would advise the very same constructive counsel I've offered time and time again (which is nothing like what I've posted, I assure you). The point, in this instance, was not to be constructive or de-constructive, but to be emotional and objective all at once, to for once not play the peacemaker sugarcoating my words in an attempt to advise without giving room for reason to take offense, but to state exactly what I thought and felt. Besides, in what way could the person improve by means of words they've never read?
Granted, I'm aware that there's much more to the person behaving in such a manner just to do so. They've admitted that their home life isn't necessarily...the most ideal. And, naturally, it affects their thinking and disposition to a significant degree. That much, I can understand, which is also why I've very seldom ever said a word regarding this particular matter. However, at the same time, there comes a point in a person's life where they decide whether or not they'll let the situation they're in become an excuse, or a reason. What I mean by that is, many have often used their past as a means of justification for certain behaviors they exhibit when they're conscious of certain attitudes they display that are considered unacceptable by many; on the other hand, others have used their past experiences as a motivation of sorts to improve themselves or their circumstances. From my perspective, it seems to be the former in regards to the person in question, as they've more often than not mentioned something along the lines of "I'm this way because my family sucks," or others utilize such reasoning on the person's behalf. Of course, my perception could be very much incorrect, as no one but the person themselves will have all of the facts, but what I've experienced and witnessed is all I have to go on. Perhaps, in time, I'll be proved wrong.
As I've said, indignation and hurt are warranted at times, but certainly not always, especially not in scenarios where they aren't even concerned; or, more accurately, they are not the only ones entitled to such a thing. In my experience, even in the case of considering the person's emotions, trying to make amends, even trying to befriend the individual, it's been met with very little progress, skepticism, cynicism, even outright false accusation, at times on the basis of a light joke at no one's expense, or simply going a day without communication. Once again, their environment does indeed play a factor, but that can only be justification for so long, that's just life; in addition, many who have been consistently on the receiving end of such an attitude aren't at all responsible for the circumstance they've been forced to deal with. Little Timmy taking away a yo-yo and smashing it shouldn't be reason to despise children fifty years later, for instance. I agree, it's ridiculous to disregard one's feelings, but that's not my intention. Instead it's a reminder that the person is not the only one hurt, that there have been times said pain has gone both ways on numerous occasions, and that the actions of others don't control their choices--or, at the very least, shouldn't--and, more importantly, that their choices are entirely their own. In addition, I don't intend to imply that accountability needs to be held for eternity, but that accountability needs to be held when accountability is due, rather than running every time or hiding behind the inevitable blame game. We live in a world of "he said, she said," which isn't always a good thing (though there are instances of legitimate proof of what he and she said), but it's also a world of acceptance and tolerance of everything but intolerance of anything. Some things people aren't willing to tolerate that others are--hence my venting regarding the person's disposition; it doesn't necessarily always make that a good or bad thing, though most prefer to view it as the latter, making it difficult for anyone to express themselves openly without fear of undesirable backlash, as well as the dreaded cancel culture that's been on the rise. That is one of the reasons many are here, stating their feelings in relative anonymity, after all.
There's unintentional, and there's intentional. But, either way, there are lines that are crossed that shouldn't be in the case of harming others. Addressing in what way the person in question was out of line is by no means a punishment, depending on the individual's response and words, but simply expressing how they feel about what was done. Depending on the way things are worded and relayed, what makes that a bad thing? I personally prefer to refrain from any sort of involvement in things that don't particularly concern me; however, as I've said, I've not only had direct involvement, but essentially dragged into certain situations. Now, the latter instance was my own decision, and perhaps I had no right to do so, but what's done is done; and, if the person wants to write their own unsent letter concerning me, then they can by all means do so. Also, I have to disagree with that final statement. After all, I've found it to be incredibly untrue that one's actions and decisions don't affect others. Must I DIRECTLY deal with their decisions? No, not unless it happens to be a physical course of action (i.e., they crash a vehicle in a fit of rage and I happen to be the passenger), but on some level, all within a close enough proximity, so to speak, are caught within the ripples or the shock waves. Perhaps they are beyond what we're capable of giving, or perhaps we're incapable of giving enough, but either way, many--myself included--have grown weary of the almost daily shock waves, being openly blamed for such, or watching as someone or something else is held entirely at fault, as well.
Please don't misunderstand, deluding myself into believing I'm in the right or wrong was not my intention--but, if that's how it seemed, then I apologize for that--but to express myself with little self-imposed censorship. Nothing more, and nothing less. Still, I thank you for your response. I enjoy seeing others' perspectives, and you're quite the rarity; most I've dealt with prefer to insult or curse or attack when met with opinion or thoughts of any kind not in accordance with their own.
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