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I'm heading into IOP next week after being inpatient and in PHP but I'm starting to doubt that I can keep this up. I've managed a lot of my ED symptoms and have kept my weight up and mostly stable, being in and out of treatment over the last year and a half, so aside from exercise and body image things on that side are going okay I guess. My mood and self-harm are the bigger hurdles I'm not so sure about. I'm in a good spot right now but with tendencies that providers seem to believe might be related to bipolar II I'm afraid for everything to crash again. I don't want to get my hopes up that life is going to be better because it will just be more crushing when it goes downhill again, undoubtedly unavoidable. Sometimes it happens really slowly, suddenly I find that I'm slipping back into behaviors. Other times it's really fast because I flip a switch and say 'forget it" and am committed to doing whatever I want in the moment. Not sure if anyone relates or has thoughts or advice. This was round three in treatment and I'm really feeling like it has to be the last, especially because the attempts and severity of this hospitalization was really hard for my family and friends to swallow. As much as I don't give any effs what happens to me or hurting myself, I really don't want to hurt them.
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