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2020 was supposed to be our year. Neither of us expected any of this. And now that it's happened everything makes me think of you and all the things I'm missing, all the plans that now we won't be able to make happen.
I'm missing what last weekend was supposed to be like, with me asleep in your lap in the very back of the van and nobody watching.
I'm missing your birthday right now, as I type, and the promise that you'd take me in your truck and drive me somewhere, anywhere but here.
I'm missing finally not spending Valentine's Day alone. I guess some things are just never gonna happen.
I'm missing getting you to prom and teaching you how to cha cha because I can.
I'm missing my own birthday and the probability of getting something... special from you.
I'm missing spending the summer together until I leave for a month, and going to camp with you.
I'm missing the plans you had for Halloween, to work at the haunted hayride together out in the woods. Alone.
I'm missing ensuring you don't spend the holidays alone and standing underneath your fishing rod with mistletoe on the hook.
I'm missing the long conversations, the stolen moments, the feeling of your lips. I'm missing your hand on my thigh, the excited planning to get away from everyone, the support you gave me. I'm missing all the little nicknames, the teasing, the music sharing. (I can't even listen to some of my music anymore because it makes me think of you) I miss catching you staring at me from across the room, watching you idly drum your fingers on everything you can reach, all the odd faces you make when you're actually behind the kit. This hurts so bad and
I miss you. I miss us. I miss our little rebellion, the best secret six months of my life.
At least you still care, at least you promised to wait for me until things weren't so messy, until we turned eighteen if we had to. But I'm already self-destructing and truth be told I don't know for sure if I'm gonna make it that far. Not just because of this but because of all the fucking bullshit life is throwing at me in general. I feel like I'm being stabbed and I want to cry all the time. I do cry all the time when I'm not in public.
I wish so badly that you were here.
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Replywow<3 talk about teen romance.
I felt a spin of bubbles,jealousy,twilight, and endearment for you.
While these are nice feelings, and eventually i hope you two lovebirds can go down the altar together...
I do think you're young heart is beating and leaping too far too fast. This person you adore is not helping you to heal, or move forward. You're panicked and crumbling, and his image invokes loss not motivation. This is bad.
Chill with the love notes, the singing, dancing, the obsessions, the middle of the night heart cries for his presence. He's another human being, who isn't going to always be there.
So what is there then?
Yourself. Be okay with yourself NOT being okay. In moments like these, reflect and observe how you feel and what may work to help you heal. And find out where you can strengthen yourself, by yourself. This is hard, and takes great maturity.
If you don't know how you can possbily manage another moment (imagine if this boy dies), then you need to seriously reflect (i recommend with a peer you can trust and guidance consular). dearest- You're drowning in the affections of the person, and your identity is suffering because you can't cope. It's a sign you went too deep, too fast, without any breaks or enough security.
Love is not a game.
And it certainly isn't for children.
Realistically, it's not even for many adults.
It's fire. Don't let it consume you? please.
X
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