What are you looking for?
A you, a me.
1 month ago · · Poetry,
There's a me, I'm trying to forgive,
Yet there's a you I'm trying to forget.
Your name now, comes with shadows,
Of people asking me,
Why should I even care?
I never loved you.
But sometimes I think of you,
And you were somewhat like a daydream,
A little too far from reality,
A little too close to an almost.
I don't know why talking to you,
Felt similar to standing in front of a river.
I can never understand what it does to me,
In such a short period of time,
That I can even doubt if it was ever there.
Some times I wish what if,
What if I never pushed you away?
And the next minute,
I remind myself, you never think of it.
You never wanted it.
I do wish you stayed a bit longer,
But I couldn't have let you.
Thinking of being with someone,
Feels like treading on a rope,
Over a huge abyss.
How could I have let myself think of you,
When I had just found a knot in that rope?
How could I have let you stay,
When I was not sure of who I am.
I ain't yet sure. Funny.
Some days I tell myself I'm stable,
But some days, my body floats,
Like the words hanging in air,
And I did tell you, I missed you.
But you didn't want me to have any false hopes.
That's how it all ends.
I won't deny hearing that sentence,
More than once.
It will stay with me. Again.
You were just a human in the end.
And there are too many around me.
I will forget about you.
I can obviously live without you,
But how will I refute those winds,
That make me dream of meeting you,
For the first time, again.
Will we be broken enough,
Yet strong enough someday,
To be able to love each other?
I am just dreaming,
I know you were just curious about me.
I know you couldn't have loved me.
I know you don't think of me.
I know it doesn't matter to you.
You never tried to hurt me too.
It's just some songs tell me,
What if I didn't burn the bridge halfway,
Were we standing on the other side,
A little something like happy,
Something like together.
I didn't love you either,
And sometimes I wonder
What if I looked at you, long enough,
To know I don't want to be with you?
There are so many possibilities,
And none of them true.
If I was given a chance to go back,
I wouldn't change a single thing,
But I do know, if I met you again,
I think maybe I will never ask you,
To leave until you would want to. Maybe.
It's scary to even think of being with you.
Love, wasn't supposed to be scary.
I don't think I can love you or anyone.
I will never see you again.
You won't think of me ever again.
There wouldn't have been any other ending.
I still won't regret knowing,
Someone like you exists,
Someone who made me want to love.
But love is just a word,
That never meant enough,
Like any other words.
Love is just a word,
A bit more dreary than others.
There is no love. Sometimes.
There's yearning. There's pain. That's it.