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So almost ten years ago I developed a type of OCD called trichotillomania, which is an anxiety disorder that causes me to compulsively pull out my hair with no control as it is the only thing to relieve my anxiety, but then also causes anxiety as a result of severe hair loss and some not so kind responses from people that can see the damage done to my external appearance. It's caused me to fail in school as it's so heavy on my mind at all times, and if I don't give in to the urge to pull out my hair, I get really bad panic attacks. It's also caused a severe social anxiety because people were so horrible to me about the way I looked for so many years. I am no longer comfortable showing anyone my own face without a lot of makeup and won't leave the house until my hair is done in a way that makes it look fuller and less noticeable how thin it is now. I have no eyelashes, sparce eyebrows, and very thin hair on my head and I have come to hate the way I look. I'm so deeply unhappy with myself but I can't control the disorder. I wish I could stop, and people seem to think it's an easy fix since all they think I have to do is just stop pulling. It's not like I want to pull my hair out. I fall into a sort of trance and I do it without even thinking. Sometimes my hands just go to my head without me even noticing because it's such a natural gesture now that it's been happening compulsively for the past ten years. I'm so frustrated and sad because I can't talk about this with anyone in my life because it's such an oddly specific problem that no one I know has, and they can't understand it no matter how hard I try to express it. I hope someone might come across this that has a similar issue with OCD or trich, and I hope I can find someone I can talk about it to. I've tried therapy but I think it would just truly help me to feel less alone about it, because at this point I feel completely isolated.
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ReplyI don't have this condition but to let you know I wear a wig in the winter to keep my head warm. You can draw on eyebrows and use false eyelashes. If you put a cold wet cloth on your head first you can wear a wig in the summer as well. I hope you find someone with this condition to talk to soon.
ReplyI love you for writing this. You are not alone , you have us
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