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I'm a senior pastor's daughter, raised in a devout Christian home and Christian school. My family, my friends, my world is all Christian. Of my siblings, I'm the 2nd eldest and have accepted responsiblity by beingheavily involved in church activities as a leader throughout my teenage years.
Now that I'm a little older, I'm not sure if I believe anymore. I'm not an athiest, I'm just not sure. If I say what I really think about this faith, that means I disgrace my Dad- the head pastor- to the church community. It means I forfeit all positions in church and family activities- which revolve around our faith - will be altered.
My older brother has already turned away from the church and people hold that against my Dad. If another of his children turn away as well- me the "Miss goody two- shoes," I'm afraid my Dad will be further disgraced, because he has real enemies trying to pull him down online.
I don't know what to do. I'm still pretending today.
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Non-denominal Christian here, I stopped partaking in church, I don't tithe, I don't minister, I don't evangelize, I just do my best in helping others live well in the lives they want. It is not wrong to question and wonder, doing this is how I embraced letting go of denominations and just live with Him. He has all the rest, I just let Him work. Much is open to you, ask boldly what you desire from Him, and be very direct and non ambiguous about it. I spent over ten years volunteering in ministry, and it drained me. Just helping others live well was enough for me. Most of the ones I helped will forget me, but I'm okay with that. As long as they are who they wish to be, I did my part. You will find the answers you seek.
ReplyAfter attending catholic schools which I hated I went through a stage where I stopped believing In God. Years later I began reading the Bible. Then one night in bed before sleep I felt a tap on my shoulder and knew it was Jesus. Then four years later in bed again before sleep I felt Him leave me and place The Holy Spirit inside me. Both times in bed I wasn't thinking about religion at all. Since then there have been messages and many miracles in my life. So please don't turn away from God and Jesus because you don't know what they have in store for you. God bless.
ReplyThe only thing we have when we die is our beliefs. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Unfortunately, you have a very hard decision to make. Your individuality, or your fathers pride. It's up to you which life you lead. Trapped and unhappy? Or maybe finding what makes you happy outside of the church? I hope you're doing well!
ReplyThe biggest dis-service anyone can do is to force religion. God wants an individual in free will...or not. That is between you and God. What good is pretending? That is not a relationship with yourself, your father, or God. When you decide to have a private conversation with your father, he will have to let appearances go, and so will you, and not care so much about online comments. There will be a time between you and your father that may be tense or difficult, but it will pass. Find where your heart resides and live Life in a happier, fuller way. You are not abandoning your faith, your father, God, you are finding you and your place. You just need time and space to know something rather than blindly follow. All this being said, my mother was the church organist, my aunt was the church choir master, and I walked out. To this day my devotion has never been deeper, but I was given the opportunity to journey in Life to find something out on my own. Reassure your father, your heart is calling you to fall deeper into knowing rather than following a tradition. Truth.
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