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I’m crippling under pressure. I’m choking and I can't find air to breathe anymore. I've lost all hope in people and their capability to understand. I don’t have anyone close enough to me whom can just hold me through the night and say “it’s ok, it will all be ok”. No friends and I haven’t found love yet. My parents just see me as a daughter who is supposed to respect them and reach their expectations for her. I works hard every single day of my life, only to get nothing in return except for taunts from my mom when I come home. She too is stressed, I know. And sometimes, when we argue, I tend to snap. And when I do it’s worse. Anxiety and all the pressure fall down on me. It’s like a landslide and I’m buried deep in the debris. I feel like dying. I don’t want to live a life anymore. The one person whom I could talk to, My grandfather, passed away. So at least, if I die, I will be with him. Suicidal thoughts are the worst.
But I won’t. I won’t die. I’ll fight, and when I DO die, I’ll go up to my grandad and tell him what a strong woman I’ve become. No one has ever said this to me, so I will say this to you: if you feel alone, know that you have yourself and that’s all you need to rise to the top.
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Your strength of character will inspire others, and those of shared values will gravitate to you. Your beloved is out there, and will be by your side through it all. The first thing that came to mind was seeing an admiral when I read your last paragraph, leading many in empathy, understanding, and a measured pace. You will have that which you seek.
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