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I'm so tired of everyone, I'm so stressed and full of anxiety. I'm so tired. I'm so sad. I want to disappear from this place. I think about how bad I am at everything, I mess up so much, I've just learned I have a rare ability that is only because my brain didn't form properly, so that's great. Probably explains why it takes me so much longer to comprehend things or to formulate ideas, probably explains why I'm so dumb too. I wish someone would just go out and ask me why I'm so stupid or why I mess up so much, I don't know why but I feel like that would make me feel better.
Work isn't great either, I'm a slow learner and it's a very fast paced job. I need time to comprehend and understand things, my brain isn't completely normal. Everyone tells me I'm working too slow, but I'm trying as hard as I can. It gets to the point where I just want to cry at work, I thought about quitting while I was at work last week. I go in today, I already feel overwhelmed.
College is stressful too. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, I don't know what Is going on in class, I'm $11,000 in debt and I'm only a sophomore. My friends are annoying and only cause me problems, I've lost trust in people completely. I don't know why I'm here. Do I even have a purpose. What's the point of being alive if we're all just going to die anyway.
There is one thing though. One person who I trust completely, a person that I would travel to the ends of the earth with. When I'm around him I'm so happy. I forget about everything else. He makes me feel warm. His radiance shines so bright, my shadow, the one that follows me everywhere, it disappears. I can't wait to see him, he makes my whole life feel like it's worth living for. I get so sad when I say goodbye because that means I have to go back to my normal life. He's so happy compared to me. Why can't I have that. He doesn't hurt me, he waits for me to think. I'm so happy about him. I want to hold on to him forever. The only person I love.
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You can be happy. You are stopping yourself with your negative thinking. Try to be like this guy who you love instead of wallowing in misery. You can stop whining about everything and be cheerful and optimistic about yourself. After all, you are doing the best that you can.
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