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It's your birthday. Yay. Celebrate.
You're fifteen now, a freshman.
A woman, since you're Latina.
You go to the kitchen and no one is there.
Your mom races in the back door.
'Grandpa,' she says, and your heart drops.
The ambulance is in the front yard.
But this didn't ruin your day.
He's released, but things go downhill.
He has an itching problem now.
Constantly scratching, and you get itchy just watching him.
He's getting weaker and weaker.
Eventually he needs a walker and
You become his personal driver.
Another year passes, and he's in and out of nursing homes.
He's now in a wheelchair.
Your heart drops at the thought of him not being there.
He doesn't want to go outside anymore.
And then he falls again.
'Take me,' he says. So you know it's bad.
At school, your mom pulls you from athletics.
You know it's him.
'Cancer,' she says, and the lump forms.
'It's okay to cry,' she says, but you hold it
Because there are others in the parking lot.
At the hospital, the doctor comes.
'Liver,' he says. 'Three days?'
You can't bear the thought of losing him at the end of the week.
The family gathers in the hospital lobby
and shares memories of him.
And counts down.
Three.
Two.
One.
Then counts up.
One.
Two.
Three months.
'Where's the paper?'
Right here.
'Open to the dead people.'
What?
'I wanna make sure I'm not in there.'
Oh my God.
'If I see my picture, I'll say that too.'
He starts having off days.
Hallucinating.
'Houston,' he says. 'Going to Houston.'
He's a retired truck driver.
Four months.
'Window,
There are people coming through it.'
There is no one.
Five months.
'People,'
It's just us two, Grandpa.
'No, four.'
Who?
'No se.'
Are they bothering you?
'No.'
Six months.
'I was walking.'
You fell off your bed.
'Oh, chihuahuas.'
Was it a dream?
'I guess so.'
Seven months.
You need to eat.
'I'm getting stronger.'
You still need to eat.
'Soon, I won't need that chair or even the walker.'
Not if you don't eat something
other than pudding and ice cream.
'I eat fruit.'
Eight months.
'I saw your Grandma in a dream last night.'
How was she?
'I don't remember.'
Do you want ice cream?
'Yes.'
Nine months.
'When is your birthday?'
Tomorrow.
'The Superbowl?'
Today.
'Did I miss it?'
No.
'Your birthday is tomorrow?'
Yes.
'How old?'
Seventeen.
'Tomorrow?'
Yes, Grandpa. Tomorrow.
'Ok.'
It's your birthday.
You're seventeen, a legal adult in Texas.
You walk into the kitchen.
'Happy birthday.'
At school, wishes all around.
Then.
'Come to the office and bring your bag.'
Your mom is there.
Crying.
'We gotta go.'
Why?
She hugs you.
'Grandpa's not here anymore.'
No. No.
'C'mon.'
In his sleep?
'Yes.'
Your family is at his house, and
you can't look at anyone without a lump forming.
The lump that didn't exist when you drove home
Or texted your best friend
asking her to wake you up from this nightmare.
Your aunts are at his side cleaning and crying.
Your cousins come in one by one.
You take one look at each other and break.
It's too much.
Your cousin is nine months older than you.
He pulls you in and you can't hold it.
'Cry.'
You squeeze him and he breaks down too.
You embrace in the hall as the adults
walk back and forth weeping.
Your brother comes and breaks down
You hug him by the big tree outside
and sob it all out together
Your mom comes and hugs you both.
'Breathe.'
Cardinals are a sign of Angels from heaven
There are three on the fence.
You find a cap of his with a cardinal on it
You find the little red ball
He used to throw
back and forth with you.
You put it in your pocket.
Play catch with me?
'No. My arm is tired.'
What I would give to play catch with you one more time...
The stove fills with food.
You don't know where half of it comes from.
Wings, pizza, quesadillas, sweet bread
His favorite.
'Store?'' your brother offers.
Not hungry.
Your cousins want to go.
One pulls you into a hug.
'Let's go just to get away.'
The cashier glances at the four of you.
'Shenanigans?' she asks
'Not good.' Your brother replies
'Oh?'
'Our Grandpa just died.'
An older cashier cries and excuses herself.
He loved this run down gas station.
'I need my tickets for tonight.'
Everyone loved him.
Your cousin buys him a Dr. Pepper for the road.
Friends call and wait at the house.
The messages are endless it seems
Visitors will come later, you're sure.
And as everyone leaves,
as every embrace ends,
with teary eyes and a forced smile,
'Happy birthday.'
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