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I just panicked. The dogs were barking so loud. His music was blaring. He was singing, like he does when hes about to flip. And his bipolar was acting up, obviously, he yelled at me before. I'm just lying on the bathroom floor waiting for this to end. I'm gonna pass out later cause this took all my emotional energy. I remember when he was singing like that and he broke the wall in and said he was gonna kill someone. I was terrified. I still am. I want to leave this house, but as a minor, I'm powerless and any abuse I'm facing is false, it's just tough love! No its fuckjng not. Hes bipolar, as previously stated. It's taken me so long to not use that to excuse his actions. Hes an adult, he should know its wrong. Hes not trying to fix his behavior, hes just living in his trashy marinade of toxic people like some kinda victim. Fuck off. I'm so tired of this. I just want someone to save me. I've taken to therianthropy to cope and its helping, not to insult any therians who truly believe they are their kin. I do too but it's complicated. I've always been calmed by crows, their caws remind me to breathe. And I was raised by dogs because of the neglect I faced. I believe i am both dog and crow, the dogs helped me grow and the crow represents my freedom once I am out. My flock is waiting for me once i leave that door. One day i will be free from this hell. Hopefully soon.
I wrote this entirely for myself to talk myself down so that's why it's a mess. But I'm feeling ok now. Thanks
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