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To the girl I was
1 year ago · · struggle,
This monologue is addressed to myself when I was around freshman year, and it's terrifying to share how I felt back then but I want the chance to voice how far I have come and give anyone who feels similar to how I felt hope for the future.
To the girl I was, it gets better. You feel so alone, I know, but you never really were. You’re carrying a burden on your heart and soul and it’s turning you into your own worst enemy. You swore you’d never be the person who takes out stress and anger on anyone else, but look what you’ve done. To the girl I was, you learn to ask for help. Crazy right? We’re such a stubborn person, and asking for help seems so weak, but it’s the strongest thing you’ll do for a long time to come. You will learn to love yourself, I’m still working on that for us, but we’re getting there. You’ll learn your passion is to help and encourage others, and you get stronger and more confident by the day. To the girl I was, you cry less now. You don’t break as easily as you did. You will go through hell and back in the next four years, and you will feel your heart hurt with every additional crack, but you never break. To the girl I was, you stop caring so damn much about how others see you. You learn that you adore your obnoxious snort when you laugh, and being tall may not be so bad after all. To the shell of a person that I used to be, you are so filled with passion and joy these days, your laughs are genuine and your smile seems to fill your face. I know you are hurting and crying every night. I know you get home with your perfect mask still on and the second your room door clicks shut, you can’t hold back the riptide of emotion that has been tearing you apart all day. I know you wished it would all end and the pain could just go away. To the girl I was, you make it through, and eventually you start to heal, more and more until one day that ache that used to stab through you every second, is nothing more than a dull ache that you can feel in the low times and draw strength from to help others in the better times. To the girl I was, we are going places babygirl. We are chasing our dreams and spreading our wings to fly to the stars. Our achievements these days are far greater than our past failures, but with each loss we faced in battle, we learned and got better. And to the girl I am today, keep your chin up and be proud of how far you have come. I love you.