What are you looking for?
you'd come over... right?
8 months ago · · Friendship,
I find myself wishing. Wishing I had someone to talk to. Until, I think about all the doors that I could knock on at any hour and they would give their full attention no matter the time of day. Then, I remember, I don’t wish that I had someone to talk to, I wish that I had you. Every day since that night I have found myself lying awake, hoping your thinking the same I am. But if you are feelings the things that I am, why haven’t you texted? Why haven’t you called? Why haven’t you given me any sense of hope that what we had, whatever it was, friendship or more, wasn’t ruined. Because I would take back everything that happened that night, all the incredible moments and feelings, if that even meant just getting one word back from you.
I have never been this person. Lying awake at night wondering if you’re doing the same. Looking for connection in every other guy, hoping that it will break the one I feel with you. I have never felt the sadness that I feel every time my phone buzzes and it isn’t you. I have never been the girl to text someone she knows might not even want to hear from her. I called you. I texted. No response. And I said that was it, that it was in your court. So why did I do it all over again? And why do I lie awake every night, wondering how you could care so little to not even respond. And why don’t you respond? Is it her? Is it all because of her?
I wish I could read minds. Well, correction, I wish I could read your mind. To hear what you think the moment my name pops up on your phone. To get that clarity and closure I need. But no, all I get is one little word. One word. “delivered”. And it isn’t even from you, and yet it has said more to me about how you feel than you have.
There’s a song that is popular, the lyrics go “but if the world was ending, you’d come over right?” why when I hear it is the only thing I think about you. Why do you have this control over me that no one else has. And why do I always feel sad, like if I knew deep down inside that you wouldn’t. you would be with her.