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My love, Wesley
It has been years since you took your life. 2017....it was 2017 when you did it. My heart aches still to this very day whenever I think of you; when I look at photos I took where you may have not been in them, but you were close to me when I took them. I can’t seem to ever get you out of my head, I long for your laughter, your smile, your joyful eyes, the way you were so playful and funny. I could laugh at your jokes for days....fuck I miss you....your kisses were like fire that ignited my feelings into a burning flame that I didn’t recognize at the time. I burned myself by being with another man after you that did not care for me the same way. Your hazel, mostly chocolate eyes haunt me. Did you think no one would care? That no one would cry or miss you? I’ve cried for you so many times I lost count...in fact now I’m tearing up writing this, but I write this because I can’t speak to you and you currently plague my mind. I’m stressed Wesley,life is moving really fast, and some times I feel like a failure, like I won’t make it. I also fear I’ll never find true love, I notice now that what we had was budding love before I threw it away so casually. You were getting to know me so deeply before I fucked it up. I’m not sure I’ll find a man to meet my expectations, one that can live up to your image...what the hell is wrong with me? I feel damaged now...from loving and losing you, having been in a abusive relationship, been through hell in the navy, through a shit ton of sexual harassment...when can I find my peace? There are moments I think of suicide as well....I’ve thought, maybe you were my person, and I’ll never find another like you, I’d rather be beside you. Kissing you, hugging you, building a life with you...Do you even know how bad this hurts?!!! I can’t even beg you to come back to me because you’re gone....gone from this world where I couldn’t hunt you down if I tried. I hate it here...can you come back to me?....
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