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I feel myself falling.
There is no rope, i have no wings
I finally understand what Alice felt, but this time there is no Wonderland, just water
I can't tell when i am going to land, if ever
There is no need in screaming, my voice feels like poison
As i sit in my kitchen counter, plate with food, sister laughing, father talking
Asking me how my day was, if i have my grades yet
My answers are short and dry, as to not get the bitter taste of my sinful words
Beautiful words i can't get out because my mind tells me i am not worthy of
The food gets cold in my plate, with all the strength of 100 women i pick up the fork
Useless, there i no use in eating without feeling like you will be fed
As cold as the water i can hear at the bottom of the hole i rapidy fall into
Never to land, always to suffer the wait, never at peace but never
At war
I can hear the water flowing, the salty smell of the oceans and the feeling of sand under my feet, wet sand, glorious as if it was the only remedy i can take to get rid of this sickness that slowly
slowly and quietly takes over me
The wind hits my face and i close my eyes i can tell a family of four is having pasta by the images i accidettlly get in my head, as a memory i never expirienced, as an intruder into their home, disrupting their dinner, making their pasta, cold.
But as i shake the thoughts out of my head i fall onto the sand waiting for my head to hit the dense beache on my neck
I don't land in the sand, i feel the wind instead
The cold wind that makes my eyes open in disapointment
Why did i think i could land on sand?
I never land on sand, or sea
I just, keep falling
No rope, no wings.
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