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Hello everyone who might have even seen a peek of my other posts or writings about this issue, but upon talking to others about it, I finally got some closure on my feelings.
I wish I was normal, and didn’t have it, but I can accept my autism happily. If it wasn’t for my special interest in character acting, I wouldn’t have gotten my role in the school musical (something I got very excited about when I heard I could sign up even if i didn’t participate in choir). I was told by many people “you’re overdoing it”, “why do you do that?”, “stop acting like that!” anytime I worked on my acting for it. I realized after some of those comments on my behavior, that I got tenfold better ones from others. The director compliments my ability to improvise, my noises and the sounds I make to be more like the animal characters I play, younger characters telling me I’m scary and doing a good job. When we had our first performance in front of a real audience, after the show I got praise from people I didn’t even know on how I “stole the show” even as a background primary character. Some even noticed my subtle movement changes so I seemed more eery.
My boyfriend doesn’t seem to mind, but he has told me before he gets uncomfortable when I talk about horror movies or true crime for too long (another special interest I think). He isn’t the most supportive person, but to be honest, fuck him. The only acceptance I need is from myself.
It’s hard to really accept the autism/aspergners, as now my life is a shit show. I recently totally messed up my left elbow, and may need surgery. Not to mention I was before diagnosed with Clinical Depression, which led to me taking some measures that were unneeded for the acceptance of that.
I am just in an utter place of shit, and coming to accept that I may be this way is just the only way I can get through. I know many people are not backing this decision, but I have ahold on the people who are.
My autism makes me who I am.
My autism makes me talented.
My autism is beautiful, and I don’t care what you say about how I act.
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Good for you I have cousins and friends that have autism and I want to help them cope with it so this just made my day.
ReplyI am glad to help you. Your comment helped me back
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Reply"Autism isn't a disability, it's a different ability"
Btw, hi from another person with autism
ReplyHello other person, I am glad for this quote and will definitely use it in the future.
-op
ReplyGlad you could come to terms with it. You are who you are and if people can't accept it that's their problem. We're all unique in one way or another.
ReplyI myself have ADHD/anxiety/depression/dyslexia. I understand what it's like to have your world flipped upside down in an instant. It may be a long road to loving this part of yourself but trust me, you will. It's taking me two years to get to where I am as far as excepting my issues and I can tell you that it is no easy feat. Some days are better than others but when the people around you don't understand it's easy to feel damaged and useless. Just remember that progress isn't linear. You can try to be like everyone else, you can exhaust yourself from worry, you can block out your emotions, but it won't fix anything. Because nothing needs to be fixed. You have so many talents because of your differences! I know you can do this!
ReplyI have learnt from my research that people who are on the spectrum do something called “masking”, which is more common in autistic women than men. This just means they can hide symptoms better, so sometimes I hide things I don’t mean to! But I am true to my emotions, and I hope you are too. I love you beautiful human for replying. It makes me happy to see others relating. I wish you well as you wish me.
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ReplyYou sound wonderful, my own boyfriend has autism and it was nice for him to see that he's perfectly acceptable how he is through your post. It was hard for me to try and convince him on my own
ReplyOmg! To inspire another is more than I could’ve asked. I feel honored and am happy to help.
Reply