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I used to feel normal around people. I would be shy at first meetings but day by day I can feel my reservations loosen up. This time it didn't. It was a process, but it started from a crack. Slowly conversations turned into whispers and whispers into laughter and mockery against me. I don't know whether I'm delusional or if there's a hint of truth behind my thoughts. I saw my peers as beasts ready to pounce at me at any moment. I saw any attempt in conversation a plot to further bring me down to my demise. At that moment I've come up to one conclusion. Cut everyone out of my life. It didn't matter if you had good intentions, or if you just wanted to be my friend. I built walls upon walls of barricades to block anyone hoping to enter. I've sealed myself to any breach that my only companion became books. In my mind I thought, "No one can ever hurt me and your words would never again matter". Although in the end, it wasn't that much better than it was before. Gossips and back stabs didn't die down. I've just became more aware of it. I hated everything and everyone, I hated myself most especially. I was so lonely, I would cry myself to sleep. I'd count the days of when it will all be over. Day by day I told myself, just try and survive this one and it will get better. The process was hard and strenuous, but eventually it did. Thank god it did.
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