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There's so much I need to get out,. I don't feel alright. I'm not okay. I want to move out, my father is not helping my mental situation. It's really hard for me to remember things, and my dad calls it "selective hearing" and gets mad at me for it. I feel trapped. I'm not happy with my life. I've done more wrong than right. Nobody will ever love me romantically. I feel scared, some nights I can't sleep I'm so scared. I want to cry, but I can't. By the time I get alone I can't cry. I'm just left with this horrible feeling unable to let it out. I try to make myself cry, I'm that desperate. I just can't seem to get happy anymore. I'd shut my door because I felt safe, but my dad told me I have to keep my door open now. He doesn't understand me. Or how human emotion works. I want to get out of here. I'm stupid. My parents are wasting money on me in college, I keep failing classes, It's a waste of money, I'm giving up on my career dreams. They were unachievable anyway. I'm thinking about dropping out. School doesn't interest me anymore. Nothing interests me anymore. I want to cry so badly. I'm not happy. I'm tired. I'm so tired. I'm not enough. I'll never be good enough. No matter how hard I try I'll always fail. Nothing makes me happy anymore. My eyes are always half-closed, they are always tired. I can feel my heart beating out of my chest sometimes. I get headaches a lot, my eyes hurt a lot. I feel like I'm going to die soon. I can't sleep some nights because I think I'm going to fall asleep and never wake up. I think about suicide a lot. I've never acted on it but it crosses my mind often. "What if..." "I wonder what would happen if..." "How would it feel if..." The world would still revolve If I wasn't here. After a month life would go back to normal. There are a lot of things I just don't like about my life that seem like I don't have any control over.
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I can relate this so much, you aren’t alone
ReplyPlease talk to a doctor about all of this as soon as possible.
ReplyYou're not alone and you don't have to keep feeling like this. Don't be afraid or ashamed to reach out to others. Find a good counselor/psychologist to help you through this. It can get better and there are people trained to help you, so ask for help. I hope you'll find the support you need soon! Many hugs and positive thoughts to you!
ReplyI felt that. Was my initial reaction to this as someone who is always out there and happy I have for the past few months been feeling sad and unmotivated and when reading this You were able to put some of my thoughts into words so thank you. Now you are not alone. For the problems with your dad I think it’s important to tell tel how you feel explain why you need your door shut and how his comments hurt you if you feel comfortable maybe even share about how you feel suicidal at times that will not only help them empathize with you but will help you get the help you need from a professional. Stay strong and remember you matter <3 also from someone who just moved out because of a fight with their family it’s better to stay and fix the problem then leave trust me :(
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