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Wow I'm already about to start crying and I just began writing. I'm 18 and I'm in my 2nd semester at college. About 4 months ago I started dating this amazing, great, guy who means everything to me. We first met at work and he instantly caught my eye. He's tall and Mexican, (I happen to like Mexicans often, I am also Mexican so ya know) and looks weren't everything that caught my attention, the first conversation we had was as if we had an instant connection. It may be stupid but it was about our favorite show, The Office. I had never really had a true boyfriend before that lasted longer than a week so, to be honest, I don't know how being in a relationship works completely. I knew I immediately liked him though. I had never clicked with someone the way I did with him, talking with him was so easy. The conversation was going great but then I found out that his ex-girlfriend was having his baby. I can't lie and say that my heart didn't feel like it dropped 1,000 feet after I heard him say that. I tried so hard to not like him after that because hell I'll admit it, I was terrified. A million concerns ran through my head, "Am I ready to be in a relationship with someone who is having a kid?", "What if I'm a distraction?", "What if he breaks my heart?", "What if he still loves his ex?". The last one still hurts sometimes. I went on vacation for a week on a cruise and I was in and out of reception, but when I did have service we sent eachother paragraphs after paragraphs. It was like we were writing an essay. And we weren't even dating yet. The day I got back from the cruise we hung out just because we missed each other. We didn't kiss or anything, we just hung out normally. He's 21 by the way. I forgot to mention that. Later that week we planned to hang out again, but the day we were suppose to he ended up going to the emergency room because his ex went into labor. We did hang out around 10 pm because she didn't allow him to stay in the room at the hospital because only one guest was allowed and she wanted her mother there. We celebrated with cigars and some fancy drink because you know, he just had a kid! We actually kissed that night. I told him we couldn't do that because if he isn't ready for a relationship then we had to stay friends. Relationships are the only thing I look for and I don't mess around. A week later he asked me out but made it clear that his daughter will always come first and he may not have as much time anymore and he doesn't want to think it's because I am doing something wrong. I told him I wouldn't like him if he didn't put his daughter first. She should always be the number one person in his life. Skip now to 4 months later, everything is going great. The thing is I started birth control about 2 months ago and it's put me through quite a bit. I also recently started new anxiety medication about a month and a half before that. Let's just say my emotions aren't normal all the time. I get in these upsetting moods often and I'm not sure why. I feel so powerless against my moods. The things that constantly go through my head is the fact that he has a kid with someone else, a bond that will forever be there. Like that's his first kid, that's something huge that he experienced without me. I feel as if I'm the one that can't give him that anymore, if that makes sense? He gets to go through all those parent midlstones without me, I feel like I am missing a huge part of his life. I'm scared that in the future, if we have kids then he won't love them as much because they're from me and what if I am not as good as a mom as she is? What if he likes parenting with her more? I am so scared. And I am just upset that I am in this situation because I love him so much and I would love to meet his child but I told him (because he asked about it) that it was completely up to the mother of his child because that's her baby right there. I want to make it very clear that I respect the mother more than anything. I never want to intrude on their family. And it hurts me to say that so much because it's their family and I am not apart of that. I'm terrified that the mother will hate me when I meet her or possibly the child in the future. I'm afraid I will always be left out in a way. I'm scared that the mother will realize that she still has feelings for him at one point and she'll want him back. In the end I am just afraid I will never be good enough.I just wish this didn't hurt so much.
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You have no reason to be concerned. If he has split from his child's mother everything is okay. The relationship you and he have is completely different to the one he had with his ex so concentrate on yourself and him and leave her out of the picture. He should have access to his child and if you and he have children in the future and stay together he will love these children just as much as the one he already has. You don't know what the future holds so just go day by day and stop all of this negative worrying.
ReplyI personally am in a relationship with someone with a kid. And i wouldn't ever tell them this but if i could go back i wouldn't have dated him. Mothers day is awkward if your not getting married for a while are you considered a mom? And when 6 months? 2 years? What if he doesnt want anymore kids? Then you'll never know what its like to have someone that loves you unconditionally. His ex will ALWAYS be around. If your the jealous type this does not mix well. He will have to call and text her all the time. And when she goes in to labor he will be right by her side. Sorry to be so blunt but if i could go back i wish someone would have told me this
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