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You took that handful of clumpy, filthy sand and you climbed. Higher, higher and higher still, you soared enough that the monster you'd created below couldn't reach you so easily; maybe it'd grown tired of you for a moment. You're happy about that at least. You were so afraid of being found out (in a heartbeat) that you threw important things away and acted like you were completely fine. That fear propels you even now. You already wear a new mask, act with renewed steel among new people; nobody would blink twice and think about overriding you. You, I... it's lonely at this altitude sometimes. That's what this is.
I wonder if this suffocating okay-ness will last forever - if all it took for a plateau of mediocrity was to cling to life painfully for what felt like eternity (just a handful of years, calm). I'm... I'm just tired right now, okay? What if I'll never sparkle quite enough to reach out to someone special, new? And is it okay to be selfish enough to want to have someone really reach out to me? I can smile for as long as it takes and I can work hard, harder, hardest if I just knew that eventually... someday... it could happen. I'm afraid to not know, you know? Look, what if I just said it - is it possible for someone to love me... please? I'm sorry to complain... I shouldn't, when the things I've done deserve no happy recompense. Still, even people who do things wrong shouldn't feel awfully lonely - forever. And to the people I left behind... I'm truly sorry.
It's just... what if I could?
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