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i'm not even going to lie i literally looked up ' Writing out your emotions online' and this came up. I don't know how good this is i kind of just need to get this out or i'm pretty sure i'm going to go crazy or just have a complete break down. Things are seriously hard for me right now because as of writing this we are in the 2020 COVID-19 Pandemic quarantine. i usually go out and wander the streets or go down to Walmart to avoid everyone in my house because of problems i have. Now i am unable to do that since i want to respect everyone and distance myself so this can blow over and flatten the curve. It's very hard for me considering i hate being around the people in my house sometimes. i could stay in my room yes, but i obviously can't do that because i am forced to get up and speak and hold conversations with them. i can't even count how many emotional breakdowns I've had at like 2am because of the shit i'm going through. My anxiety is getting worse and worse and i keep denying it which i'm sure is making it worse. I wanted to throw and break everything in my sight when it was announced that students would not be going back to school for the rest of year. Some find this to be exciting (or i do know some that are disappointed) about the whole situation. School was the only thing that stopped my mind from running so fast. I stopped seeing my therapist around the end of February and i felt that i could handle things on my own due to her not even really helping me with my problems and connecting it to things that made absolutely no sense. It's so hard for me because i can't let my mind wander or it goes to such dark places. I feel so lonely and by myself. iv'e basically stopped to everyone i no, iv'e ghosted them and haven't answered their text messages in over 2-3 weeks. I don't know what to do anymore i feel like my world is slowly falling apart and there's no putting it back together like it's damaged beyond repair. But iv'e always felt like that. I just always think about the day where everything is just going to fall apart and crumble and crush me. I'm not going to act like i'm not scared for that to come but i'm not going to say i wouldn't be relieved. I carry so much on my shoulders that no one knows about, i overthink too much with the feeling of that if i ever tell anyone i'd become a burden or i would be judged or laughed at. It's just so tiring to act like something your not. It's tiring to lift others and your own problems on you and walk around and act like nothing is wrong. I sometimes wish everything would just go dark and quiet. i could no longer think, speak, see... i just wish my mental health was better. i wish a lot of things honestly. I sorry if this i very long it's not even everything but it has made me feel somewhat better. What pretty much triggered me into getting my emotions out was i walked into the kitchen to hear my mom's boyfriend talking bad about me... but it's okay though i'm not expecting anyone to really read this i kind of just want to get this out lol but i hope everyone is having a great day and are safe and healthy <3
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hey there , we're not in the exact same situation but i feel like we feel the same way , am a person who loves his alone time , cause it's the only time where am me , i don't have to fake smiles , nor force myself to laugh , before this pandemic and because of my studies i was almost never home , the only time that i spend with my familly was when we had dinner , then i either had homework or just go watch something on my laptop . but now since we're all home i chose my room as my refuge , yes sometimes my mom go all insane on me and literally force me to leave my room , but i still don't leave my room only for necessities , my point is , i really don't know if this is a good advice or not , if there's a slight chance for you to talk things out with your familly then please do so but if you can't if i were you i would stay in my room and go out only few times , make some rounds , let them see me to avoid problems and then go back , which by the way what am doing right now , i wish they accept me the way i am instead of trying to change me and make me like them , also for your mom's boyfriend i believe that you sould've stepped in the moment he was talking about you , and asked with him he did that ; face to face .
in the end i know i didn't advice you much but hang in there , try to pour yourself into something that consumes you , am a series maniac so i spend my whole day watching series till 4 am then i pass out , but am a bad reference ; try to learn something new , a new language for example , just fill your day , oh and allow youself to have breakdowns ,don't keep everything in , cry it out ,
music helps me .
i too discovered this site about 3 days ago hh i googled it too , sometimes when i feel like choking i either come here to write or read other people's writings it makes me feel like am not alone
- my answer was long , am sorry for that i tried to write whatever came in my mind that would comfort you
take care , and keep fighting don't give we'll get through this
ReplyThank you so much for this i was in tears when i read this, i'm sorry too hear your also going through a similar situation as me and i have found some good ways to deal with things right now. And your advice was seriously helpful and truly meant a lot to me knowing that someone was willing to read this and help me. I have found some good coping mechanisms like Exercising, music and watching TV or i'm gonna try and start playing my violin some more :) but thank you for your kind words and i hope you have the best day and things get better <3
Replyyour reply warmed my heart, I read it several times :) am happy that you found ways to cope with everything, I too decided to take this chance to work on myself, I plan to learn a new language, I talked with the people I ignored for the past 3 weeks, which is a huge step for me cause am really not a social person, but I remembered that after this pandemic ends am gonna see them and I'll have to explain why I didn't answer them so I kind of forced myself to do it now, just small conversations ; am still spending my days in my room, I just prefer being alone, there were times where i remember crying every night feeling lonely with no one I can share my feelings with but I ended up enjoying my loneliness where i can be me instead of faking smiles and pretending that everything is okay .
enough about me, don't let your anxiety take over you, your world is not falling apart don't ever think that, if you have a dream then try to plan how you're going to achieve it after this confinement ends if you don't then look for something you enjoy doing, it's good to have something to dream about and to look forward to it gives you a purpose to live
know that it's okay to break sometimes and let it all out just don't give up, you're strong you can get through this yes you won't always feel the best there will always be days where you'll feel sad and just tired of everything but it will pass away, I know that you might feel it won't, but trust me it will, the secret is to never give up keep fighting those feelings and those thoughts, you deserve yo be happy
if you feel lonely and want to talk am here, I'll save this page and talk with you :)
have a lovely day, I hope things get better for us all
ReplyThank you so much for this i was in tears when i read this, i'm sorry too hear your also going through a similar situation as me and i have found some good ways to deal with things right now. And your advice was seriously helpful and truly meant a lot to me knowing that someone was willing to read this and help me. I have found some good coping mechanisms like Exercising, music and watching TV or i'm gonna try and start playing my violin some more :) but thank you for your kind words and i hope you have the best day and things get better <3
ReplyThank you so much for this i was in tears when i read this, i'm sorry too hear your also going through a similar situation as me and i have found some good ways to deal with things right now. And your advice was seriously helpful and truly meant a lot to me knowing that someone was willing to read this and help me. I have found some good coping mechanisms like Exercising, music and watching TV or i'm gonna try and start playing my violin some more :) but thank you for your kind words and i hope you have the best day and things get better <3
ReplyWhile you are off school you can read or/and write books, poems, and stories. Draw and paint. And surprise your family by baking and decorating an occasional cake, cooking meals, cooking meals from fancy recipes, and even make up your own recipes.
Reply