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Everyone around me makes me feel like shit all the time. I know that they don't intend to make me feel this way but I can't help but to think that they do. I'm always trying my best to make sure others don't feel upset or misunderstand something when I talk to them but it never seems to be the other way around. Even my closest friends are just beginning to make my mental health become worse. I'm sorry that I'm bad at something I'm new at. You guys are veterans at this, why can't you talk to me in a nicer manner. No ones perfect when you start doing something you've never done before, yet you make snarky and backhanded comments. I don't understand why. When you were new at something that I personally had experience in, I did my best for you to learn well and at a pace that you're comfortable with. But with me, anything I say just gets ignored. We only do things your way and if i say anything else then it's because I'm a baby, a coward. Why can't i just express myself and how upset I am without being...attacked? That's probably not the right word for it, but English is my worst subject, so put up with me. I just want to be listened to by you guys. You're all I have and when you ignore my feelings or how I feel, it makes me feel worthless. Like absolute fucking garbage. When you decide to leave me in the dust because I'm not on par with your skills and don't want to even give me a little bit of help, it makes me want to cry. I feel like you guys aren't there for me. Maybe I'm just overthinking things. I just want to cry. I want to cut myself off from everyone but I know I don't have anyone else. Why does everyone else get to be sad and complain, but when I say something, all of a sudden I'm just a baby and I'm immature. When I don't want to do something, all of a sudden I'm a coward. I don't get why all of you seem to think I'm highly sensitive either. I haven't spoken to you about how bad my mental health has gotten because I know you guys won't take it seriously. And yet, the lot of you all seem to have decided that I'm hypersensitive and need to be babied in a sense. You decide that when I say no to something its because I don't have a backbone. I can't even talk to anyone of you about how I feel because I know you're gonna brush it off. You don't take how I feel seriously. Am I not worth the time and effort? You guys are my best fucking friends, the only people I truly care about and you seem to say the same but your actions say otherwise. Are these just lies, do you even care. If you do fucking care, why don't you show it? I feel like things are great between us when everyone's having fun and laughing, but when I'm not in the mood, or my tone slightly changes, all of a sudden it's because I'm a child or something they did upset me greatly. of couRSe NOthing else coUld've caused me to not be in the best of moods. GOD, I JUST WANT TO SCREAM AND CRY MY LUNGS OUT, but nothing comes out anymore. Maybe a few tears every few months. I want to have a good cry but I feel like I've lost the capability to do that. All of these negative emotions are just piling inside of me and I'm just waiting for something to snap.
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I have this friend of mine, who i got better acquainted with, the previous year. She has been in my class for over 5 years but we never really talked. She had her own friend group and i had mine. After, the classes were reassigned in 2019, we were still in the same class. We had to share a desk for some reason. We got along okayish and we often sat together due to the teacher's assignments. The thing is, my new friend's friend group totally outed her. It's like they never really were close with her. And a lot of things happened which were damn difficult for my new friend (let's call her Kiara). So these events were a major part among a pack of reasons, which caused Kiara to become one of my closest friends. She and i didn't really have much in common, but we could talk to each other with no effort and it was great. The point is, her friends were plain immature assholes. They made Kiara feel totally worthless, not required and lonely as heck. I made her understand that it wasn't her fault that she felt those emotions. It's natural to feel like such, when your friends are being unreasonable in a way, it hurts you. Most of the times, it is because of the circumstances and people around you, that make you feel hopeless. Not because of you. Kiara still hasn't let go of her friends, but she understands that she needs to leave them. And i accepted that. Her friends were everything she had and now she had to let go of them for her own good. So, it would definitely take time for YOU to also, find someone far better than your toxic friend group. It may seem like that you can't work, without them. But you can. You so can. Because it is the right choice to take.
Replyoh my god -_- sorry for the multiple comments. My mouse is freaking messed up
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