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Ever try to change.. to be different than you are .. not the bad different where ur trying to be someone else.. the good different where you are trying build new habits and ways of thinking and acting. breaking trauma bonds... let go of those painful thougght that cause your go to emotions, and those immediate, involuntary reaction to those things that trigger you.
Ever notice how u literally feel like there are pieces of you dying, screaming, afraid that if we change if we move, if we act differently then we can no longer survive, protect our self.. I will lose him if I stand my ground.. If I dont pursue him.. if i dont message or call or reply.. I will lose him,, I will lose the attention, I will lose the progress. So what if he isnt a good communicator what if this is all I get, what if this is the best I can get.. How can we change how can we wait. What if he never messages or calls, I should be in control, I should be the bigger person, I should prove my love prove my worth prove my value, call him, text him, email him, reply, reach out, make him notice you, make sure he sees you, post a picture, check his twitter check his ig,, see if he's on line text him csll him message him show him you care be ther for him, maybe he needs you maybe he doesnt know how to reach out , ambe he's afraid maybe you scare him, maybe he's lonely.
... Im lonely, Im afraid, I wan tlove, I want attention, I wanna know Im valued, I wanna be pursued, I wanna be made to feel important worthy.. have I not proven myself valuable.. and if he doesnt see me.. infact if he has made a decesion,... regardless of his current situatuion thought or motives.. he has made a concious decesion not only to not contact me.. but to ignore me.. abandon me .. in a cold uncaring way..
Why does he deserve my time, my care, my heart, why would I want to prove anything to man who sees me as disposable...
And after saying all of that I go back to check his chat.. because deep I would rater hold a mainge dog hostage than be alone with my thoughts.
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Sometimes when trauma happens to someone, they learn ways to cope that aren't healthy, but they might of saved them before. It takes a lot to change and it could take therapy. Especially if you're dealing with other issues in your life. You obviously can see what needs to be done, and you know it, so now you just have to do it.
Looked this up for you.
1. Be Willing to Heal. The desire to feel better can be your best ally on the road to recovery.
2. Accept Support From Loved Ones.
3. Seek The Assistance of Trained Professionals.
4. Practice Meditation and Mindfulness.
5. Incorporate Movement Into Your Daily Routine.
Seeing that you need help and getting it are the first steps to change.
Best of luck!
ReplyThank you for this, I really appreciate you taking time out to reply.
ReplyThank you for this, I really appreciate you taking time out to reply.
Reply