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My husband and i have been married for almost two years. We get in fights you know which didn’t shock me since well i came family where parents were always fighting so compared to my parents we were the perfect couple. I yell he yells and calls me all sorts of names. I don’t cuss at all. Anyway we went through the whole talking things over and we get back in the lovey dovey mood. It’s a cycle and honestly it’s gotten better. Ive asked him several times to just stop calling me the b word the c word the f u word and all the other words. He feels bad and says sorry but he does it again. Well last night i told him how he was making me feel, dismissed and not cared for. He kept pushing and pushing and pushing making me feel worse and worse. So i threw a cup and broke it (no not at him never at him) i haven't thrown a thing in a long time but i just had enough of it so he starts calling me words which just make me so mad because he promised me he wouldn’t so already feeling less than dirt so he shoves me down even more. He starts yelling we both are mad he then storms upstairs i follow because i am ALWAYS worried he will kill him self or something and uh i am a queen and law and order and dating stuff so i never like to leave him alone , but he thinks i do it to annoy him. But i dont care at this point me making sure he doesn’t harm himself is more important than what he thinks of me. I have tried everything l, counseling’s, talking, yelling, writing to him and honestly i am done. I will always love him but i don’t want to be disrespected anymore. I have found that anytime i tell him how i feel it gets him very upset. So i have two options get a divorce or stay married make babies (if God permits) and just live day bu day, to be honest the 2nd one sounds easier because no really decision needs to be made. I know men will read this and think im staying for the money, i am not, i technically make more than him and no i am not the type of woman who rubs it in his face and plays the feminist card. I think we are equally and honestly i feel like i am a good wife and try really hard to be well not try it just comes naturally to serve and have the house clean. And he helps when i ask. I just dont have the tears and energy to deal with should i or should i not. I have finally set up a nice workout plan that is making my body feel good and i feel like i have finally caught up in life that adding the whole divorce thins it just something else. Also i should add that i don’t feel the “right one is out there” i feel content with who i am and want to become babies sounds very nice and well true spouse love was i guess not for me as in for some reason i do not deserve it. Maybe i did something wrong in the premortal existence that this is the life i live which is OK with me. As long as my family is healthy and happy that is all i can ask for. It’s either having babies or moving back home working hard and buying my mom a house well ... that does sounds well maybe i can do both! Sorry for the rambling. I am just sucked out dry. This man, my husband, has made me cry and torn me down for the past 6 yrs that i am now giving up on trying that i want to live in the now
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