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I don't believe suffering throughout many parts of my own life was really worth it at all. I don't see that there's any sign and existence of a silverlining of good things coming my way, based on how matters have gone for me. When it get's bad, it does seem to get worst and it continues on to this endless pit of negativity. Just when I had thought the bullshit, negativity, drama and hell was over, something else comes up and fucks it up all over again. I feel like I'm constantly getting beaten up by life and pushed back a few steps before even given a chance to regain my breathe. Haven't managed to reach a place which I feel secure and good enough for myself. Don't know what to do anymore about it, as I really don't have the motivation anymore and I don't think I even want to try. Doesn't matter what I try to do, both mentally, emotionally or physically it never works out. My life is pretty fucking miserable enough as it is and I have no doubt alot of people who are happy to hear that. I'm a bad and horrible person apparently. Which I've been a target of many accusations and rumors you fucking name it for no go damn reason. I'm not even given a chance to speak my truth at all but people dont give a shit for dehumanizing a person that way either anyways.
I feel mentally tomernted and emotionally drained. Most of all, I'm fed up and done with my life and what t consists of, as nothing turns out okay. I don't believe in myself and I don't believe in others anymore. Where is it worth it and why should I lie to myself that it is??
Everything within my life seems completely negative and it's extremely discouraging for me. No matter how good I am and try to be, it never changes for the better. No matter how hard I try to fight my demon, horrible matters that gets thrown at me by others and the circumstances that is out of my control to make things better, the end results isn't good.
I rather give up alot of the times.
I have zero belief that anything will get better and it's best I just accept it.When i'm dead and gone, I will regain eternal peace of mind.
_-
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Do you expect life to be one wonderful long lasting happy experience? It isn't like that. Life is what you make it. You have a mind to decide and choose what you need and want from life as you travel through it. There are happy and good times so grab and appreciate those times. Don't dwell on the bad times. All you seem to see is negativity and the bad times have to be in your life as well otherwise it would be too boring to live. Be grateful for your life and all that you have and are able to give and share. If you are thinking of suiciding the after life for those who suicide is full of demons and is a lot worse than this life, and there is no getting out of the next one. Keep living with a positive attitude. Be content with what you have, be as good as possible and when you die at the end God will look after you in a wonderfully happy after life.
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