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I feel like I definitely saw it coming. I feel like I knew the second he told me the worst case scenario you’ll have to wait. Why would I have to wait if we were planning things to do and places to go. I would have to wait because he wasn’t going to be there for those things and places. All I know is that once I finally let my guard down and stopped protecting myself, that’s when he abandoned me. Right when I was going to tell him everything going on in my life, and my head, that's when he left and made me go through it on my own. He told me he wasn’t going to leave me and he said that he was in this for the long haul but then, why the fuck did he just break that promise? I told him not to promise things and get my hopes up if he wasn’t a million percent sure that he could keep his word. He promised he would do his very best to keep it, so then why the fuck did he just break that promise? I’ve done everything I can to numb it in the last four days and so far it’s worked except for today. I’m no longer numb and all of a sudden I feel everything I should have felt in those last four days right now. It makes me want to scream and numb myself again but I know that I can’t. I have to feel, I have to get it over with. Get it over with, that’s what he told me was the reason we broke up. To get it over with so that way he wouldn’t hurt me worse doing it later on. You see I think that he is complete bullshit if I’m being honest. He made all these promises and told me how he was dating for marriage not just for fun. He told me how he would do anything in his power to make us stay together through college and even after that. He told me things that made me feel safe to stay. He told me all the right things at all the right times, until it came down to the real deal. It hasn’t even been that long since I’ve seen him, it’s only been a month. I think it’s bullshit that he can just break, no shatter my heart and then pretend like he’s upset. I’m just mad, I’m mad that I finally opened up because I thought maybe this time I wouldn’t get hurt. I thought that maybe this time he would actually love me and stay. I thought I was safe with him. I’m used to not being safe and not being loved completely and held onto forever. I’m used to it, so I guess it’s my fault because I should have expected it…
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damn i felt this all the way ma it's cool you deserve better he an ass whole he'll regret that shii later anad he will know what he lost
ReplyThank you love...
ReplyThank you love...
ReplyYou should contact him and ask him why he left you. Do you think that somehow you pushed him away? You say you are used to this happening to you so it is a pattern that keeps repeating. If you can afford it see a therapist and find out why this keeps reoccurring in your life.
ReplyI do see a therapist, alot of stuff that happens is from ptsd. I don't blame myself. If you look at my newest post it explains everything. I just think alot of people are in it for the status and not the feelings. I never pushed him away in fact I did the complete opposite.
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