What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
These are the voices I hear
Conflicting and jarring
Life is the choices we make
But not always with a clear mind
Sadly sometimes we get it wrong
Even for our own hearts
I wish I could tell the world but I cant
A few words to an angel I’ll never hold but will always know...
My baby
My heart beats but yours is no longer
And with you a piece of me died
It was tragically my own doing but that was not me in there
It couldn’t have been me, I wouldn’t, I never thought I would
Fear and loss of control are an understated power
All consuming, I couldn’t breathe
so I switched off my mind and something else took over
That voice, that other voice that questioned whether I was capable
Of either possibility as there was no easy choice but I had to choose one
Deep down I knew and know now I knew all along,
I wanted you, so so much
I wanted to give you the world and lay down my life for you
To take care of you and share my whole world with you
If only I knew myself so well too
Why do I torture myself with these voices and fantasies
I was more than capable and couldn’t handle the other
Even the thought of it kills me now over and over
I can’t even say it and yet I relive it
I was too far along, I should have walked out of there
They asked if I’m sure they said
My heart said no yet I nodded my head
I was stronger than I could imagine
I knew and know all this
But that other voice won somehow
Because time was on its side
It was then or never and how I wish it was never
That voice was me, I can not deny
I have no choice now but to grieve
To accept what has happened and what I have done, for it was me and no other
I can’t bring you back as I would need to go back in time for that
I can try to create a version of you again but that will never be you
But might bring me some peace
It’s my only solace
I take a breath of relief at the thought of it
That’s such a selfish act
They’ll think I’ve gone mad for that
Maybe I have or I will its so sad
Then what was the point of all that
I can’t heal as this wound is too deep
It cuts like a knife and burns to the core
and then I weep
I’ve sobbed my whole heart out and stared into space for hours its no help
I have the support but what real good will it do
Time is a healer they say but this can’t be healed I’m afraid
They will all tire if I don’t pick myself up I know
Try to learn and be positive they say but I’m drowning and can’t be that way
This isn’t something I can smile through and lock away
I can’t do this it’s too hard I might break
I can’t even bring myself to go for a walk
Even eating the things you once loved makes me choke
I can’t let go as I am the last remaining piece of you
I can not complain because I did this, I did this to you?! I let them, I can’t handle this
Whilst my mind wants to fly so far away
I must stay and battle
That same voice must tell me lies to keep me sane
Like how I spared you somehow
but I know that’s not true
I love myself now, more than I ever could
Because you are mine and you came from me
I look in the mirror and its you I see
You were no mistake
I never thought that
I was just scared, you were a shock
I couldn’t handle alone
I would never have been alone
You would have brought joys to my life so far I’ve unkown
You’ve made me want things I never thought I did
But deep down I know that I did
You woke me but I failed you somehow
I can never explain this loss
Because I could have prevented it all
But it’s not my fault
I don’t blame myself
I had a difficult choice and made an irreversible mistake
I talked myself into this tragic escape
That’s what I do it’s the risks I don’t take
But its not relief but utter regret I felt
At the last minute I told myself lies that I bought
Its too late to change it now there’s no point
I knew I would suffer but thought I could end all that
Now I know life is too precious for thoughts like that
I love you my sweet baby
The world didn’t get to see you
Nor you see the world
Or did they, I’ll never know I was asleep
All I saw was that one time when
You danced for me baby and wiggled your legs
The memory soothes me and haunts me when
I recall what happened to you and my body jolts from within
I know you existed and you did so for me
The joy you brought will always be mine to keep
The love I felt is like no other and I thank you for that
My heart is forever yours
And will be forever broken in two when I look back
What will I do when you are due
I can’t even use past tense it hurts too bad
Take your half to heaven with you my angel
It should have been me before you my sweet angel
I will watch over you there until I die
I will look forward to that day so I can hold you in my arms and take care of you like I was supposed to
Thats what I was built to do
I never knew I was so capable to
But now in another life for in this life I no longer have that choice
I wish I never had the choice
I may never get another chance
I see that so clearly now
Why did I panic so much and lose you now
You and I were the only ones
Who touched each other in ways no one else will ever know
You touched my soul
And I felt yours
So pure and so beautiful
You changed me from within
I hope you felt my love too
Im so sorry my precious gift
Im sorry I robbed the world and our loved ones of your gift
They’re so sorry too but somehow love me still
I told you sorry that day and yet how did I go through with it
Who was that? I cant make sense of it
My perfect little miracle
I love you sweet angel
My sweet baby girl
I made a terrible mistake
I cant believe I made that mistake
I cant believe I considered that option
I cant believe I went through with that option
When I had already decided against that option
There should have never been that option
You are a life not an option
I cant believe this reality
I want a parallel life with you in it
What I want I can never have now
I did this to you, me and cant even explain how
I can’t even be angry at myself as I love myself for you now
How can I be strong and how can I go on now
This is the pain I must learn to deal with and live through somehow
But what do I do now
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
Missing Mom
Mom passed, oh about four months ago. The emptiness is still there and that's fine. But what really pains me is not being able to share the simpler things with...
-
Liam
I lost you my son. You came to early and left to early. I barely got to see you and now you're gone. Life has fallen apart since you left. I was ok, I was getti...