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I feel trapped in so many ways and I feel like I've had my mind played with in these mind games.
I don't know what to believe in anymore without being filled with doubt and so much confusion to what's really going on. Everything is becoming discouraging and unmotivating where I don't want to try anymore. I'm constantly get into a state of distress and in disbelief that there's a way out and matters won't get better.
I feel like I'm going absolutely crazy here!
I don't know what to do anymore about it in figuring out the fuck is going on with me, my surroundings and situations at hand here. Trying to piece together everything and make sense of it all. I'm constantly thinking the worst and being pessimistic because I don't know what will make matters improve.
I'm always doubting myself, surroundings and the reality of things. I just want whatever the hell is going on to stop and just leave me be in peace.
I don't know if I can be helped anymore and I even tried helping myself in the best way I could. When I reach out, it just makes me feel like I'm crazy and losing myself asking for some kind of reassurance from loved ones. It doesn't seem like anyone can help me out either and I'm finding it hard to believe anybody else really cares. Those who do care can't seem to help me because I don't know what's wrong myself and I don't even know where to even start anymore.
I just want to give up.
My life is of no value anyways so why would it matter if I'm here or not.
I just want out of the tormenting abuse and mental suffering.
A part of me wants to end my life and be done with it all because I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm tired of fighting not only my own inner battles but fighting against toxic surroundings and toxic people.
I never get a fucking break from the struggles and burdens that I face alone. Tired of feeling completely helpless within myself to do something about it. It feels hopeless to do something against it and be free from what drags you into hell.
I don't even try anymore to stand up for myself and I don't want to anymore. I'm the problem and once I'm gone I will no longer be the problem. Whatever efforts I try to do to make a positive change and good improvement, I feel pulled back all over again. It's not good enough and it's never enough for me to get out and away from anything toxic.
I want to give up on my life because there's nothing left I feel I can do anymore.
I have lost my willingness to live.
I just want to give up, be dead then be tormented by abuse and suffer..
_-Jas
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