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I have trauma from my husband.
He has been emotionally and physically abusive towards me.
I have forgiven him but when he raises his voice, says certain things, makes a certain face or his body language takes on what I would see right before he hurt me... I get so scared.
I start to tear up and cry, I flinch at his words and I try to get far away as possible from him..... he tells me that seeing me that way hurts him. He regrets ever hurting me that way and that I don't ever have to be afraid of him anymore... and I do understand that.
It is just that when I see those triggers... I can't help it. I'm doing my best to work on it... I don't slink away from him anymore but inside, I am terrified.
He has worked on how to communicate more effectively when he is angry... and he has stopped smoking weed, and has also gotten closer to God.
I know God will help us through. I just cannot deny the trauma I feel when my husband does certain things.
It makes me sad. But I do love him, and I have forgiven him.
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It is good healing has been happening, and that communication is getting clearer. Does he have past experiences that have angered him which he has not talked about before? Often men are expected to bury emotion and just tolerate circumstances, but the emotions do not go away, they just manifest in new ways. I hope the healing process goes well for both of you, and keep on reminding one another that you are both there for each other, reaffirming that love and devotion. Please be safe, be healthy, and learning some Ju-Jutsu might help alleviate some of the fear and tension, it helped me. Thank you for all you do and for being you, we love you both.
ReplyThank you so much for your kind and supportive words.
He does have a lot of trauma in his past and anger/violence is what he used to solve his problems. He realizes that was never the right way to be and he has sought professional help. We both communicate so much better now and he has been allowing his emotions to run its course without resorting to being physically violent. I have seen so much growth in him and it makes me so happy. I just cannot wait for my body to not react to certain things that he does when he is upset.
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