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Feelings: a word so simple yet it holds so much complexity. For as long as I can remember, I have been able to express my emotions and feelings. One day that changed. I am not entirely sure why it changed but it did. I have tried to be more open and become the person I used to be, the person that so many younger people strive to be, but that version of myself is lost. Not gone but lost. I have tried searching for that person I once was in places I thought to be obvious. The thing is that feelings are not something that should be obvious to the naked eye. Until I am able to fully understand that, my old self will be lost. Looking back on events that I have lived through, maybe I can see why I stopped expressing my feelings, why I am no longer my old self. Maybe I was afraid. “Afraid of what?” one might ask. Maybe I was afraid of being truly honest with how I feel to my friends and family. Or the harder pill to swallow, maybe I was afraid of being honest with how I feel to myself. People like to express how they feel towards others most of the time. Right now, that is not the case for me. Feelings show our true colors; right now I am black and white with a hint of grey.
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