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Idk what's come over me; I guess when this whole 'Lockdown' crap started, I've found random stuff to do. One of them is writing short stories, comics and fanfictions. I'm not really a 'writer' - I've always been a 'Math' person instead, but now that I'm not going to school, I've taken a step into the creative writing world.
The main thing I write is fanfictions - I'll admit, I have a couple of fictional crushes whom I include in my writing, but as I'm creating these plots and stories and characters, I realise how much I want to be like that. Specifically, how much I want a partner. I think I'm setting my expectations way too high because the boys that I know are a bit...eeehhh...
The male characters I find myself writing about are polite, intelligent and caring - they're affectionate and gentle. It makes me feel a bit lonley, I guess. I'm realising that I am a hopeless romantic, who just so happens to be a Muslim female with rather harsh cultural standards to follow (when I say 'culture', I mean where I'm from, not Islam itself; they're two entirely different things, people).
I want someone to hug and cuddle with, and take me on random adventures. I want someone to walk to school with and laugh with. I want someone who understands who I am. I want someone who gives me flowers when I least expect it, or even the small things, like a rock that reminded them of me or something stupid lol.
I feel like the males my age are not as committed to relationships (i'm saying all this as if there was a chance - this is all theoretical stuff). Teenage boys that I see aren't as mature as I'd expect. From the boys I know and talk to, they mostly see to follow the type of relationship standards the media portray - find a girl that is Instagram-model-worthy (I know, this is not necessarily the case, but I'm just expressing it).
I wish there were still kind boys around, ones that care about how we feel, or what we like and support us. They're all hiding somewhere, i knOW IT
I was actually friends with ONE guy; he was such a good person - and he happened to follow the same religion as me hehe. He was kind, smart, funny, positive, everything. There was a time my shoe accidently came off while I was walking down the stairs and I KID YOU NOT, he was there and did a full Cinderella-scene of giving it back AAAAA i miss him. He moved and is somewhere totally different and I have no way of contacting him unfortunately.
In the end, I am, in fact, a (sudden) lover for love - I want love. Not even just romantically. Friendship-wise too. However, my only way of expressing this right now is through my cringey fanfictions lol.
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You do you sis. I'm a Muslim too and I know what you mean.
This is just MY OPINION tho. >_> but I genuinely believe that getting into relationships is ok. The main reason that it is not allowed is because it can lead to Zina. That guy friend tou were talking about seems like someone who would follow the religion and it's boundaries and SEEMS(Because I don't know him, I only know him based on your descriptions) like someone who can and will respect the boundaries that are laid out. If people around you are belittling you because of a relationship, show them that you are different and that you won't fall to zina. Prove to them that the relationship is genuine and real :)
Don't rush into a relationship and wait for the right guy to come :)
AND!!! Don't be ashamed of writing those cringey fanfics!! You do you as long as it makes you happy and doesn't bother other people. Stay safe and stay healthy! :D
ReplyoOOHHHH My sisters in Islam <3
I pray God sends all of us a pure and kind, committed, religious n handsome (hihi), funny, strong in his Imaan, Smart, Romantic, Patient, Happy, Tall (hehe x2), adventurous, Husband material, and all the things we need in life but can't think of, but Allaah knows best - Husband
Ameen
ReplyOmg! I've been going through the same thing during this quarantine. I started reading a lot of manga (which I've never done before (read manga that is)) and after I'm done with one I start to write my own fanfiction about it. Also like you I consider myself a math person but for some reason (I guess boredom) i started to enjoy writing though I think I suck at it but whatevs. Anyway just wanted to convey that you're not alone with this feeling of wanting to be in love cuz I'm right there with you!
Replylove can be amazing sometimes but I didn't know it was a drug until I touched it. fell in love with my guy best friend of 6 years. we both knew that we loved each other but never wanted to put any labels on it. long story short, didn't end too great.
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