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When i was a child i just hope to grow up faster so that i can do what i want cause i just couldn't feel fun being a child. Yep. I have a bad childhood, awkward social skill until i got myself stuck in the kpop world when i was 11 years old. I can barely know what fun is before i found kpop cause I had a bad social skill, plus i would like to blame my environment too because i was surrounded with these bunch of kids whom will discriminate themselves into groups y'know, the cool kidz, the pretty kidz, the richiez, the smartz ass and so lot more. Ew. And it happened that my appearance wasn't that good back then CAUSE I'M JUST A KID and those people just happened to be looking so nice and PEWFECT. Also maybe it's because their parents just like to groom their kids that way anyways. So I'm not in any of the groups untill i found kpop and i got clicked into the kpop group! Then slowly i begun to have some memories of having friends during my childhood and pretty much it's because of kpop <3 So the consequences of being fanatic, my result for the exam turns out really bad (actually even before that i am really bad at studies CAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHY) So when the result came out, everyone else did way way better than me and eventually i got compared by my parents for the first time in my entire 12 years old life with my cousin. I cried a lot that time and eventually didn't attend the end primary school ceremony. And just because of that, i stamped my primaryhood life as SUCKS. So i entered the normal public highschool with the rotten result with some new mission to beat my cousin in the upcoming examination which will be seated when i reached 15 yo. So eventually i am lucky enough that the highschool is like resetting everything and finally i scored the exam with 6A's out of 10 where my cousin completely out of it and so did my other friends. Not to brag but I'm so proud of myself cause I was a looser. So for my college entering exam, i didn't do that great cause it was damn tough but i did passed it anyways so i entered the college and passed it with not so bad pointers and now I'm waiting for the University. And so life has been hard for me from the start eventually cause i don't know, the reality is bitter than my expectations perhaps. As i grow too, problems have been poured over and over without stop. I know all of them are meant to mature me and turn me into a better person. But, when i am at the lowest point in my life, i just wish i could say something like "how i wish to be a kid back" BUT NO. I had a bad childhood though. Then my family too isn't that kind of happy living lively one. At some point i got jealous at those who had good parents but nayyyy i tried not to most of the time. I'm just 19 years old and it's upsetting that i have a complicated way of thinking. All i want at this point of life is just.. peace.. but my brain just won't cooperate with me and also my surroundings too which lead me to live a complicated life cause of the messy way of thinking i have. Sigh.. as much as most people said they not believe in god, that will be how much i don't believe in happiness. One moment they appear, another moment they just disappear. Therefore i said i just want to feel peace. I'm just 19 and i already feel like life is suffocating to me. And this really make me wonder what will life be years from now? Will i end up hang up myself hahahaha lol joking. So, uh.. now i feel a bit relax i guess.. thx to whoever created this platform though.
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