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I see you standing there. I can feel the warmth you radiate. I hear the sound of your breath, seeing your chest calmingly rising and falling. I can see the faint blush on your face and how your eyes bore into mine. You stare at me so intensely, it is like you are looking right through me. I want to reach out and grab your hand, to feel your calloused hand in mine. I want to hold you and tell you that it will all be fine and that I love you. I want to tell you how much I need you to be here with me. I want you to tell me that you'll never leave me behind, that you'll always be one step behind me, waiting to catch me when I fall. I want you to be here with me but instead you want to leave. You say you need space, that you need to see what else is out there, to see the world. You say you need time to learn if you really love me. I say that I have loved you, I have loved you since the day we met. You had me at the first word and I thought I had you too. I should have seen the truth of what was really going on, that you were just a broken bird who needed to be healed. Well, I healed you. I was there for you through every breakdown, through every fight, through every bad day, I was there. But now you say you need to spread your wings and leave the nest we built together. We built a life together, we were happy, you told me you were happy and that you loved me. What did I do? Why am I not good enough? I let you break my heart every day, but now, now I don't even think I have a heart. You have ripped it from my chest and threw it away. You have broken me, made me a broken bird who can no longer soar. But the worst part is that I let you.
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Sweetheart, I am so sorry. I have been through a similar thing. I hope you find healing. You are not alone. What helped me is counselling, keeping as busy as possible, going to group therapy, calling help hotlines and friends and family. After that I have been staying busy and going after my own goals to regain a sense of self. You can get through this. And then when you do you can look at how you can pick someone that will never do this sort of thing to you again. How to create wholeness within yourself so that stable and loving people are available. Again, I am so sorry that this has happened. It really feels like the life has been sucked out of you and that they are the only thing left, but hold on. It will slowly get better. I promise.
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