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Di ako sure kung may makaka basa nitong kapwa kong Pinoy pero hayaan na, need ko lang talaga ng mapaglalabasan ng stress. Alam nyo, itong panahon na to ang pinaka ayaw ko sa lahat ng nangyari sa buhay ko. Pakiramdam ko, nasa kulungan ako. Dalawang lockdown ang kinahaharap ko ngayon. Unang lockdown, yung syempre sa COVID-19. Pangalawa, yung lockdown na di na ako lumalabas ng kwarto kasi pag apak ko sa labas, wala na. Husgahan na ako, itsura ko, weight ko, kilos ko. I question existence ko, sisigawan ka lagi. Lahat naaaaaa. Hindi ako maka kilos ng ako lang. Para akong robot na kino control ng tatay ko lagi. Gusto nya ako matuto maging independent pero taena???? Pag kumilos ako mag isa, laging may nasasabi. Wala akong nagawang tama ni isa. Lagi nalang may namamataang mali sa akin. At nakakapagod kasi dibale sana kung i Co correct ako ng maayos. Hindi eh, may kasama pang "ang tanga tanga mo kasi" or kaya "kala ko ba matalino ka, diba nasa honor ka? Parang di naman dapat". Ang sakit. Kasi kaya lang naman ako nagpapaka honor kasi umaasa ako na baka kahit sa pagiging honor ay maging proud at maka kita ng magandang bagay sa akin ang tatay ko. Pero di pa rin pala hahah. Minsan, iniisip ko na sana pala ako nalang yung nagka COVID-19. Sana ako nalang yung nag sa suffer sa hospital, tapos magiging critical tapos wala na. Sana ako nalang, sana hindi nalang yung ibang tao na namamatay sa sakit na yan. Sana ako nalang, kasi wala naman akong purpose dito sa mundong to, sa pamilyang to isa akong basura. At pagod na ako. Pero kumakapit ako. May part sa akin na sinasabi na "ano ka ba, Lea***. Konting problema lang yan, tapos susuko ka? Kay Lord mo sabihin lahat ng problema mo at gagaan ang pakiramdam mo." May part naman na "Mag titiis ka ba sa araw araw na ganito? Yung iyak ka ng iyak mag isa sa banyo, tapos pag bago matulog iyak nanaman? Bakit di ka nalang sumuko? At least napa aga pa." Di ko na alam, sukong suko na ako pero alam kong tutulungan ako ni Lord. At sana maka kapit ako kay Lord hanggang sa dulo.
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Hey... I'm so sorry, please, don't pressure yourself too hard, it only makes things worst more than ever. This pandemic hits really hard for everyone, both mentally and physically, but don't try to threaten yourself that you're getting into it. I get the feeling your relative judge and criticize your worth, but bloody hell! Why does it even matter? They point their blame to you? Why? They say stuff like that, but are they sure enough for themselves that their hands are clean and their self being just to make some accusation to you? People really misunderstood you, and I'm sorry, but the way you said everything? You know... You seem so brilliant! And smart, in your own way, don't let other bloody douche people get into you, they make you feel unworthy.
In stressful times, it's okay not to be perfect, it's okay to cut yourself some slack. Because right now, you might not be the best self. But you are growing and you are trying your best, and that's good enough. Don't pressure yourself too hard, treat yourself like someone you love, no matter how deep you sunk, hold, and build every ounce of your heart until you overcome it. Every tear you fall in your cheeks in every single night will be worth it until the end, because when the sun rises, you will try again, and again until you will see the bask of determination inside of you.
PS: Don't worry about speaking English or shenanigans or whatever, I'm can speak different languages, and Philippine language is one of them too... :)
ReplyHold on to the Lord, my friend. He knows what you're going through. Don't ever ever give up because someday, He will bring justice. God puts your every tear in His bottle. There really are these people that instead of being the ones who should be helping you, they're the ones who drag you down. Prove them wrong. Prove them that whatever they tell about you is wrong. That even if they drag you down, you won't let that happen 'cause it's your life, not theirs. Don't loosen your grasp to the Lord. Don't stop praying to Him. 💪
Replyalam ko yung feeling na masasabihan ka ng " ang tanga tanga mo" tapos galing pa sa mga taong dapat tumutulong sayo,wala e ganun nga siguro talaga.
hahaha on the other side pakatatag lang tayo siguro maddown,oo! Pero kasi sa huli sila at sila pa din yung makakasama natin, no choice tayo.
So kaya mo yan okay!! madami kaming naniniwala sayo. Lagi tayong napapagod magpapahinga lang okay, wag lalagpas sa ibang pahinga kaya natin to
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