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I guess I just dont understand. I thought we were okay. I thought, yea were both down today but we're talking here and there? And laughing at memes. That's good?
And then you went outside without saying anything to me. At all. Like, I even tell you wheb I'm putting something in the fucking van. And you.....sat on the porch. On your phone. Doing I dont know what, but that has to be the point right? Why else would you do that?
I mean the 4 40oz Miller high lifes you slammed in 4 hours might have been part of that, since you passed out when you came inside. Missed dinner. Missed even more of our life together.
I guess I dont understand why my telling you you're cutting back equaled you downing the equivalent of 14 standard beers in 4 hours and then passing out. So you dont have to be sober with us? Really? It's all I can think. You wake up and either wake up late af or wake up with us and spend 20 minutes in the bathroom four times before noon, and then like clockwork ask me to get you beer. And yes, I do it. I do it becuase I dont want the fight that happens if I tell you no. That I'm sure will happen. I do it becuase I smoke weed so why would I tell you you csnt have a habit or a vice? But dude. I can take care of business high. You're unconscious. Or you're aggressive and ready to pop off at the slightest bullshit. Which reminds me of my mom, btw. Nit that you care, you only care that me saying that makes you feel guilty.
I tried to cry in the kitchen earlier when I realized you'd drank all 4 of the 40s, between 1 something and 5 something, and must have snuck them becuase I had no idea. But I couldn't. My tears woulsnt come becuase I feel so numb about all of this.
But god forbid I say anything. Becuase then you are quick to throw me under the bus for the weed, even though you smoke too, and used to smoke just as much as me before you started drinking so much. But I'm the addict.
I just dont know how much more, if any I can fucking deal with. Frankly i feel like I'm walking through fog every day anymore, almost all the damn time.
I dont know what to do. I dont know what to say. I just want to sleep forever.
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Try to get him to attend AA meetings.
ReplyYou should get him to attend AA meetings. Another thing you could do is leave him because he seems like he is missing a lot of your life and no one deserves that.
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