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I'll just write down my swirling thoughts here to calm them down, and then go back to work.
So.
I am currently in High School, and I want to become a cardiosurgeon (you know, surgeon of the heart) from John Hopkins University.
But, I just, I just keep feeling like, empty.
Like, I try to imagine my life.
I think, I'll get to John Hopkins, I'll do my Phd, become a practicing surgeon and then save plenty of lives.
I have imagined my social life as well.
But, I keep thinking, what next?
How will becoming a cardiosurgeon help me leave my mark?
If only I develop some new technique or something.
This is where God comes in.
You know, you can believe that God has thought out something for you, and some things are destiny.
But I want to be great and remembered.
How do I tell myself that living for myself is enough, and I don't have to live for the world.
I know surgery will be exciting. I know I will love doing it.
I won't change my plan at any cost.
So, how do I convince myself.
How do I convince myself to keep working hard, and to not want any fruit?
I want to be a well settled, independent and responsible adult.
But I also want not to be 'just an adult'
I want to be an adult who has something to get her out of bed in the morning, and something she can dream about when she goes to sleep at night.
I love Bio. I love surgery.
The precision, the pressure, it's the thrill of life.
How do keep myself calm and tell myself that constantly improving in your field and saving thousands of lives is a life well lived?
I keep feeling that I am meant for more. Like I have more to offer the world than just becoming a well earning adult.
Well, I kind of wanna go study now.
Please, tell me what you think.
If you think that being a responsible adult and a 'next to god' professional is more than enough, tell me.
I won't mind.
I just want to focus entirely on the SAT's.
MCATs after that.
So, yeah, focus.
I'll figure out the future when I'm in it.
Give me some tips to enjoy my present as well.
Gimme that advice!
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You probably need to define what mark means for you... because in my opinion, with every life you save, you will have changed the world a little. By just doing your job honestly, and with all your heart and soul, you will have made someone say that wow, she's the best doctor I've ever been to, she listens, she understands, she's good at what she does. I can trust her!
Your question is same as my question and by answering you I think I'm answering myself too.
I think this is the only way. You be honest with your job and the universe rewards you for it. And you can never be honest with your job if you dont love yourself or your life. It takes a peaceful mind to do a good job. A mind that is satisfied and happy and hopeful and present! Worrying about the future will not let you be at peace.
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