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I am so stressed out beyond belief. Ive messed up my mocks and my past two years at school were never my best and now I dont think I’m going to the uni I want to go to. I just want to know my result now I just want to know not because I’m impatient but because I really need to know so I can have time to sort out the things that went wrong and if I can retake or go through clearing or not go to university or take the resits in October. It’s all so scary and I feel so lost because how am I meant to know what to do? I don’t know if I should be studying or relaxing or preparing. There should not be this much stress on 18 year olds having to decide their future whilst their brains are barely mature enough to handle it all. I hate this pandemic as much as the next person and I hate that I feel this way because so many people have it worse and I am so lucky with what I have. I just wish I could go back and fix everything. I’m going back to my spiralling downwards and I hate it and I’m starting to not want to be here but that’s selfish and such an easy way out and stupid. And I hate myself even more for wanting to or thinking about this. My head just hurts and I wish all of this would just stop.
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